First of all, thanks to those who read my last post. Alas, said guy in that post has been accepted to a 4-year university in another state (one I didn't apply to for residency) and has a crush on another guy for a while now. The chances of something physical between us are vanishingly small. But I'm okay with that, I seriously wish him all the best - I'd rather have him as "just" a friend than not at all.
I'm glad that I'm done with surgery - forever. It's almost surreal. It's been such a privilege to be a part of surgery. I think that's the main reason why I don't hate the OR (operating room). At no other time can you say you've been hands deep in another person's abdomen, or held a person's bowels out of the way, or cut off a person's leg. It is a privilege - as is all of medicine - to help someone in such an intimate way. But whereas I willingly relinquish my privilege to ever do surgery, I acquire the privilege of being the first doctor a child sees in life and helping kids and families through good times and bad. And that's exactly what I signed up for.
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So the real purpose of this post is to vent my annoyance. Over the past year, most of my friends have paired up and a number have/will be getting engaged. And much of our conversations involve them talking (either positively or venting) about their significant others. And it irritates me.
I know they don't mean to, but I can't bring it up. I can't ask them to not be with their other half especially when I'm friends with all of them too. I've apparently been described by some friends as a "bitch" lately for being annoyed and snapping heads off at particular things. Maybe I have but I'm not going to apologize for it. I know I'm treated (unconsciously) as a secondary friend by now. People will bend over for their significant others but make excuses to not hang out when I ask. I expect no less.
I'm at such a stagnant time-point in my life. It's frustrating. I hesitate to act until I know where I'll end up for residency (Match is next Friday! oh my!!). But here everyone is on the way to getting married and I'm not much further than I was since I started this blog . . .
Maybe I should just focus on me, my career, and accept that I'll be alone forever.
12 comments:
Of course it's not their fault that they have significant others, or that they care more about the SO's than they do about you. But I can understand how it feels like having your face rubbed in your aloneness when they talk and behave as they do.
Whether or not you'll be alone forever remains to be seen, but if you can train yourself not to focus on it, you won't be constantly making yourself miserable.
*hugs*
And good luck in the residency match.
You are being silly thinking that you are going to be "alone forever" -- you are going to be a freaking doctor, one of the most admired and sought after professions that society accords special status, guys are going to be ALL OVER YOU -- once they know you are available. So get your medical residency and then practice established first, there will be lots of time for you to find someone later. You just have to start your pickup line "Wanna play doctor?" :-)
fan of casey: Experience has taught me that not to be true. Residents and physicians are so busy and medicine so all-consuming that it can virtually replaces the space that should've been devoted to a relationship. There will be months where I will literally have 10 hours off between shifts (only because that's the current rules), of which I intend on devoting at least 7 hours towards sleep.
I never liked the "play doctor" line, because I never understood the appeal of it.
Hiya Aek,
I understand the way you're feeling. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that finding someone can happen when you least expect it. BUT, you have to keep yourself open to it. Focus on being the best person, the best doctor you can be. Don't worry too much about the future. When the time comes, you will make time. Everyone else seems to do it. One of the guys I went out with last year was a first year resident. He ended up in a relationship with the infamous "Jake," at least for a short while.
@SCalRF: Infamous "Jake"? o_O?
Am I reading it correctly? "HE" is in High School? Just accepted into a 4 year college?
Sorry to hear but I am sure you will find someone soon. Good luck...
@wants2fly: I can see the misunderstanding. No, he's transferring from a 2-year community college to a 4-year university. I suppose I should've written "transferred" rather than "accepted," though both are technically true.
I realize you are going to have a ridiculous work load and schedule once you start residency (my brother is a surgeon), so I was more reacting to the hyperbole of "being alone" forever. I don't think that is likely -- the forever part, I mean.
Yes during the next few years there will be precious little time devoted to relationships but you never know, you probably will meet up with someone in medicine as well since you will be sharing a lot of time in the hospital and such. My point is don't have such a bleak outlook, love will find you in surprising places and circumstances.
i feel like you do all the time. 1. yes couples can be annoying..i think even if i had my own other people who talk like that would still get on my nerves. it's always that..the pet..the kids. i'm not sure when it is when people start to become so self-absorbed but it happens!
2. dating is hard, especially for us being gay. there is that part of me that is always screaming 'you'll never find anyone! you'll be alone forever!' like others have said, just focus on yourself, keep your eyes peeled and you'll be surprised what walks into your life. i've started talking to a surgical resident who has managed to find a really good guy to date right now and the situation came up somewhat unexpectedly so if it can happen for a surgery resident it can happen for you.
anyway you have match week to look forward to! good luck!
I suspect you will not be alone sir. Way too much to offer.
i, too believe you will not be alone. From all i have read, you are a fantastic person, amazing with so much love to give.
By the way, Happy "Ides of Match"...i hope it's a great one for you!
Hugs, tracy
My nieces husband marched in Huston....Hello Baylor!
Ummmmm, make that "matched".....he may be marching there too.....!
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