So Much Win, Yet Still Some Fail

So yesterday I finished my neurosci review PowerPoint, about 2 days ahead of schedule. Win. ^_^ Today I just spent some time going through it all (to actually attempt to memorize it all now) and check for errors/typos, and also to make it a little bit prettier, lol.

So yeah, after 3 days (about 12 hours of work), now the PowerPoint is 13Mb, 108 slides (of which 104 are substantive) covering 9 lectures, and filled with pictures and animations and such. I must say, this makes WAY more sense than many of the professors' PowerPoints.

After I showed it to my pharmacy friend, she exclaimed:

"OMG I can't believe you know all that or that you have to know it all for the exam. . . . I mean, there's a ridiculous amount of info and detail in that one ppt. I think my head would explode."

Little does she know, it's only 1/4 of the total knowledge I'm supposed to know for my exam on Monday, seeing as it's cumulative. Bleh.

Anyway, I *heart* my PowerPoint. So much work, so much win.
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Oh yeah, and it's my birthday today. And I'll have to spend most of it studying for my finals next week. T.T So much fail. I'll have to ameliorate that by making a German chocolate (from box) rum cake. :-) Maybe I'll toss raspberries in there too . . . I wonder if that'd taste good.
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P.S. Some of these neurological disorders/diseases are really weird. Like, Klein-Levin syndrome; symptoms include bulimia, hypersomnolence (excessive sleepiness), and hypersexuality. I mean, how does that make sense? You're really sleepy but also really horny at the same time, with an eating disorder? . . . o_O

More reason for me not to be a psychiatrist/neurologist, lol.

Hilarity Ensues

So, neurosci is borderline unbearable to study for. The lecture notes are organized terribly, most of the professors probably haven't taken a teaching workshop in years (if ever), and I just don't like the subject all that much. Needless to say, I won't be a neurologist (or psychiatrist, since I think they take the same Board exam).

BUT what I've found is that making a review PowerPoint of neurosci makes studying tolerable, and even borderline fun. o_O That's just disturbed, but it's true. PowerPoint now is just so . . . pretty. And I can re-organize the notes in a way that makes way more sense than the order it was taught in. Only 4 more lectures left to go.

And all this studying for finals next week is making me fat. I haven't exercised at all in over 2 weeks. Blorp. At least my caloric intake has decreased some, since if I don't exercise, I don't get that hungry very often. But perhaps I should regulate my food intake a bit stricter still . . . since it'll be a while before I'm able to exercise again (or motivate myself to at least).

Anyway, none of that is particularly hilarious.

I rediscovered KevJumba on YouTube a couple days ago. I re-watched this YouTube vid:

Still just as hilarious. Especially at about 1:40 minutes. Haha, the way he jerks his dad around, and his dad's exclamations in Chinese. :-P

And here's him over a year later on JumbaFund:

Just as funny, hehe.

Although, I must admit, he's pretty cute now. *Blushes* He doesn't look like quite an Asian stick anymore (unlike my brothers), lol. It almost looks like he's been working out a little in that year. Also, this kid has great facial expressions. I must also confess that I find people with great facial expressions attractive.

So yeah, if you find his stuff funny, watch more of his YouTube vids. Each view generates money (since he got that Google partnership thing on YouTube) that he donates to charities.

A Post of Quotes

"My personality description: I am an awesome person. Everyone likes me the moment they meet me. I am the life of the party and all of your lives will be improved once you have spent a day, nay, an hour with me."

I pilfered that from my friend's AIM blurb, which she took from her roommate (who had always wanted to say that in person to someone). I thought it was amusing and worthy of sharing. :-P
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"In May, one or two huge decisions must be made and they affect many besides yourself . . . Gather your lieutenants. Sit down at a big table and sort out the details of these issues . . . You think big when you might better be thinking small . . . Drop the control freak behavior. You want to be everywhere at once, doing everything and doing it well. You must however make an attempt to concentrate on events at hand."

That's part of my horoscope for May from Facebook, lol. In many ways, it's eerily accurate. There are lots of decisions to be made this month, especially where student organizations and programs are concerned that I'm president/co-president/co-chair of. I may be overextending myself, and I may need to let go and trust my other board members to get things done (in a timely and organized manner). Fortunately, I make a big emphasis to make sure everyone's on board with something before I make a final decision - so I'd like to think that I'm a pretty good collaborator. So much work to be done over the summer, bleh.

"Love life? What's that? You will be far too occupied to play at hearts and flowers. There might be a tiny flirtation in the wings around the 21st of the month. But it won't lead anywhere because you will not let it . . . right?"

Well, that doesn't bode well, lol. So Drew broke up with his bf of 3-4 months. For good now (the reasons of which I shall not reveal here). He's still super-busy and it's still pretty difficult to get a hold of him on either AIM or Facebook just to chat. But that's fine, he has finals, I have finals, we all have finals. Studying should come first. I wonder where this might go, if anywhere at all. And given my like and the portends above, chances are it'll go nowhere. :-/
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"He decided to open a sporting goods store instead because he wanted to get as much out of his life as he could before it was shortened by the disease."

That's a quote from this article. In short, a patient goes to see his doctor about whether or not he should go to med school. The patient asks that question because he has a family history of Huntington's disease, an autosomal dominant genetic disease. The patient finds out he does have the gene allele for Huntington's, which means he'd have symptoms starting in his mid-30s to early-40s, and he'd probably die by his 50s or 60s.

And so, instead he expresses what's quoted above. In a way, that's saying something. Particularly the part "because he wanted to get as much out of his life as he could." Those words are rather chilling (perhaps oddly so) for me to read.

Sometimes I do wonder. It's not like I'm going to drop out of med school (willingly), but I entertain the thought from time to time. I had a conversation with a friend earlier today about med school education. We're both soundly frustrated (as is pretty much everyone in our class) with the way med students are educated. The sheer volume we have to cram into our heads (and M1 year is like, nothing compared to M2 year) is just not productive. We can't retain it long-term. We have to re-learn everything, almost from scratch, every time.

Actually, let me rephrase myself. I've "learned" surprisingly little in med school. I've "studied" a lot though. Anything that I learn - like "really" learn - I retain long-term (at least for a few months to a few years). Studying means I just know it for a test and then move on. I learned a lot in undergrad and grad school, and I retain a lot of it. I retained more from my undergrad biochem class than my med school biochem class. There's something wrong with that. I hate studying things over and over again, because I didn't learn it well the first time (because it wasn't taught well). Some things don't really get that much easier the 2nd or even 3rd time around. ::cough:: cardiovascular physiology ::cough::

I remember the days when learning used to be fun, stimulating, engaging. I remember the days when I walked out of lecture able to recall exactly what I was expected to learn, rather than be utterly confused. I miss those days.
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"I'm Yours" by The Script

The refrain:

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours.

And though my edge is maybe rough
I never feel I'm quite enough
And it may not seem like very much
But I'm yours.

Sentimental?

I.

Sometimes I like to wake up at the crack of dawn, before pretty much anyone else. On these days, I like to watch the orange glow of the sun force the creeping shadows of night into retreat. I like to walk around town before almost anyone else, and see the shops just beginning to open. People slowly fill the sidewalks and cars slowly fill the streets. People exit doors with coffee in hand. Now the sun is higher up and washes the cement in yellow light.

Sometimes I like to stay in on a rainy day. I like to avoid the gloom and dreariness of going out on such afternoons. I would cut up some strawberries and sit, curled by my laptop or TV, eating the strawberries slowly. It would be nice to have someone with me, to share my strawberries with.

Sometimes I like to stand outside at sunset, with my eyes closed, feeling the wind in my hair and on my skin, feeling the soft fading heat of the sun on my face. I would take a deep breath, inhaling deeply, smelling the grass, the trees, the flowers, the springtime. As I walk pass trees, I would look above me and take note of the green leaves and the small flowers that most people would miss - like the pale green flowers of maples. Sometimes I would pause to take a closer look, and see if the tree was a male, a female, or both.

Sometimes I like to take a walk in the summer night, the cool air and darkness around me. The moon and stars adorned above, and streetlamps to guide my way. There's a kind of solace in being awake and out at this hour, a kind of silence only broken by the chirp of crickets. I would walk slowly, taking in the night before I too drift off to sleep and the world of dreams.

And so I ask, who's with me? And so I ask, will you join me? And for this, my friend called me sentimental. And so I ask, am I?
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II.

So I friended Drew (Online Guy #2) on Facebook a while back. We've been chatting intermittently back and forth. He seems very busy, so our conversations have been very short. Apparently, he's been dating some guy for 3-4 months now. But then they broke up. And got back together yesterday/today. And will be breaking up (for good?) again today/tomorrow. I don't know what to think, do, or say. I'll just sit this one out and see what happens. All I know is that I felt pretty down this morning when I saw on Facebook that he had gotten back together. And after he (very briefly) cried to me how unhappy he is in the relationship with that guy, and how he wants to break up for good, I'm not sure what I feel.

He seems like a genuinely cool guy, from the brief conversations we've had. He's intelligent, kind of eclectic (which I like), kind of goofy, but really busy. But then again, I suppose I am too. Alas, a fool I was to think he was single (though, on that dating site he said he was - I guess he just never bothered/forgot to change it).

Where does my bad luck come from? I pursue one person, and they're taken. Another person, and they're taken. Another person, and they're not interested except as friends. And him: taken, single, taken, maybe (hopefully) single? But I don't know how to handle this - as if I have much time to care, what with finals coming up in 2-3 weeks. After finals, then I'll see what the situation is then. Perhaps then he'll be less busy, and we may actually meet in person?
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III.

I spent a bunch of time organizing the school sites for the 2 groups I'm president/co-president for. In a few hours, I've pretty much got things how I want them.

I created a banner for the LGBTPM site. I didn't like the sheer rainbow-ness of many of the pictures. So instead I decided to create a collage of sorts, with each letter being its own color. Unfortunately, green was pretty difficult to come by. But I think I got something that works:

(click to enlarge)

"L" for the orange smiley faces. "G" for the "yellow" pair of hands washing. "B" for the world and tolerance (my substitute for green). "T" for the purplish transgender symbol. "P" for people around a red heart. And "M" for medicine as symbolized by the stethoscope. Eh, it looks alright, right?
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IV.

When my roommate came back earlier today, he convinced me to go watch Iron Man 2 with him instead of my original plan to study cardiovascular physiology. Good change in plans, lol. I thought it was a pretty decent sequel, once one realizes that sequels are almost never as good or better than the first movie. On its own, a pretty solid movie, in my opinion.

After that, we went "tie shopping" because I wanted some new ties. I'm rather sick of my 5 ties, 2 of which I rarely wear. But ties are more expensive than I thought. I mean, seriously, $50 a tie?! Even at half off that's a bit more than I'd be willing to pay. Bleh.

I guess I'll ask my brother when he goes to Hong Kong over the summer (actually, in a few days) to bring back some ties for me. I also want to buy 1-2 more dress shirts, but I'll wait a bit before doing that. Alas, because I don't have an iron, I must seek out these "wrinkle free" shirts.

Later, I made some bread pudding with raspberries and Bailey's (as a substitute for heavy cream). I was met with success. :-P Then my roommate and I had a "wine and cheese" moment, where we downed 2/3 of a bottle of Chardonnay while eating Muenster and Havarti cheese, as well as raspberries. I don't know why he wants to save the little remaining 1/3 for tomorrow, but whatever.

And now our internet is broken. BLARG!! Right now we're bumming off someone else's internet. Their fault for leaving their network unsecured, lol. My roommate called customer service, and as expected, they were no help; also, no one would be able to come by and take a look until Wednesday. So if I'm not online (much) in the next 2-3 days, you'll know why.

The Next Generation

Apologies for not posting in such a while. It's been getting hectic (and I haven't even started studying for finals yet!) with being president/co-president of 2 student groups. And I'm still recovering from this weekend. Let's back-track a wee bit.

Last Thursday I helped out with the "LGBT Health Night" event. It had a surprisingly good turnout! I learned some things, made a couple contacts. Of the things I learned was how difficult it was to proper interact with transgendered people in a health care setting (I'm still rather bamboozled about it all). Immediately after the event ended, I drove about 1.5 hours to my uncle's house, where I stayed the night.

Last Friday, I took a city train from my uncle's house to Union Station, where I took the Megabus to my destination. About 5 hours away. Bleh. I attempted to read endocrine physiology on the bus. Bad idea - I just got nauseous for a while. That was unpleasant. :-/ When I arrived, a friend picked me up and we stopped by her house to drop my stuff off. Then we walked the 30 minutes to campus from her house. Two more friends joined us where we ate dinner.

After dinner, we trekked across campus to a new frozen yogurt place called Lab. It was certainly interesting, and really yummy. You had a choice of 4 frozen yogurt flavors and an assortment of toppings. The price you pay is dependent on the weight of your frozen yogurt + toppings. I wish that frozen yogurt place had been around when I was still in undergrad. Feeling stuffed, we walked (slowly) around campus some more.

We walked by the newly finished North Quad, where my youngest brother will be staying next year (so jealous).

As well as the walkway between the Undergrad Science Building, overlooking a dorm and field.

The last trip of the night was at Bubble Island, where in undergrad we gathered quite frequently to consume bubble tea (something that doesn't seem to exist in the state I'm currently residing in).

On the way back to my friend's house, I noticed and snapped a pic of this sticker (random, I know):

The following morning, Saturday, I got up at 6:00am. Why, you ask? Because we all had to get ready for graduation - my friend's and my brother's. Saturday was Spring Commencement, and it was a truly special graduation. Unfortunately, at around 6:20am it started pouring. Fortunately, I had bought a rain poncho the day before.

By the time my parents came by to pick us up around 7:30am to go to the stadium, where commencement was being held, the rain had mostly let up. The crowd at the stadium was insane! And security was pretty intense, with metal detectors and all that. Not quite as bad as airport security though, hehe. We managed to get inside the stadium and to some seats by about 9am.

Spring Commencement formally started at 11am or so. It's always cool to see the professors and deans and such walk up on stage in their full academic regalia, robes and hoods and all, while carrying the flags of their respective departments. There were a couple special guests at this particular graduation.

The first was the state governor. Her speech was very . . . political and suck-up-ish. No one was particularly enthused by her, lol. The real star attraction of Spring Commencement was President Obama. Yes, President Obama. Did you notice the secret service agents standing at the top of the stadium in the previous pic?

It truly was quite special to have President Obama give the commencement address to the graduates. How I envy my brother and my friends graduating from grad school this year! My Spring Commencement was so lackluster by comparison. Alas (though it was still a nice graduation). Obama gave a solid speech for about 32 minutes. There was a moment in there that I felt was a bit too political and not exactly apropos for the occasion, but he ended on a very nice note. Overall the excitement from that stadium, from the graduates and friends and family, was nothing short of overwhelming.

An except towards the end of President Obama's speech:

"The men and women who sat in your chairs 10 years ago and 50 years ago and 100 years ago –- they made America possible through their toil and their endurance and their imagination and their faith. Their success, and America’s success, was never a given. And there is no guarantee that the graduates who will sit in these same seats 10 years from now, or 50 years from now, or 100 years from now, will enjoy the same freedoms and opportunities that you do. You, too, will have to strive. You, too, will have to push the boundaries of what seems possible. For the truth is, our nation’s destiny has never been certain."

And so the onus is with the next generation, as it almost always is.

After Spring Commencement, the remainder of my weekend was unremarkable. Sunday morning I woke up at 5:20am to catch the Megabus at 7:30am back to my uncle's place (the outbound Megabus was about 1 hour from my house). After a quick lunch, I had to drive the 1.5-2 hours back to my apartment.

I'm still recovering from all that lack of sleep. But I think it was worth it. :-)

A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That

Apologies for not updating in . . . 10 days?! It's been a hectic 2 weeks or so. 3rd block of exams finished last week. Neurosci and physiology as brutal as ever. Cell & tissue biology as easy as ever. Home stretch! Thankfully we're on endocrinology now in physiology, perhaps my favorite of the subjects (and I hear the professor teaching it is really good too!).

Last Wednesday I called a meeting with the outgoing LGBTPM board and those interested in becoming the new board. Kat was, surprisingly, very happy and relieved that I "stepped up" as the new president of the group. She was more than content being the treasurer of the group. Two other M1's also showed up - I designated one of them as secretary and the other as community chair. Now, we need to haul ass and really improve the group for the next academic year.

Later on Wednesday I also went to a meeting with all the other outgoing and incoming presidents/co-presidents of all the student groups. Harry, my co-president for APAMSA, had the funniest expression when he found out I was going to be president of LGBTPM. It was like he couldn't suppress his laughter and disbelief as he asked, "Wow, how did they single you out to be president?" Needless to say it was amusing.

On Friday I played basketball with my roommate and some friends again. It's been years since I last played, so I sucked (then again, pretty much everyone but Harry and my roommate sucked). I was so sore the next day, but less so than when I played the week previous. After that, my roommate and I went out for sushi before going to Harry's apartment to play beer pong. Neither of us wanted to play, but we had nothing else to do.

Beer pong at Harry's was . . . a mistake of sorts. There were only 5 of us there total, 4 of which were Asian. Us 4 Asians basically downed 24 of 30 beer cans (since my roommate and I lost a lot, we drank the majority of the beer). I was drunk enough to get into my "depressive state" which I hate (this is why I avoid drinking much). There's a sweet tipsy zone where I'm rather silly, loud, and easy to laughter. But just a little bit more tips me over into drunkenness where I just get depressed. They were quite taken aback by my depression, despite my warnings hours in advance that it'd happen. Once I was sober enough (around 2am or so), I drove my roommate and myself home. The next morning, my roommate and I woke up with slight hangovers, grrr. It wasn't too bad, but enough to be annoying.

We saw Kick-Ass with a few friends. It was a pretty good movie, it was exactly what I expected it to be (though the plot was somewhat different than what I thought it'd be). The main actor was kind of cute, in a dorky kind of way. Now that I looked him up, the main actor, Aaron Johnson, is English. Wow, props to any actor/actress who's able to flawlessly speak in a different accent (like Hugh Laurie in House MD). That's skill right there, perhaps even talent.

And that brings us to today-ish. I have a couple meetings to run for various student groups this week. I have to look at the agenda I set forth in the emails again . . . I realize I have to send out numerous email volleys and be kind of a hard-line in order to really get people to do stuff in a timely manner. And I still have to re-read the grant and project report again (for the who-knows-how-many'th time) some time before the meeting I'm holding tomorrow.

Lastly, remember Online Guy #2 (Drew)? Well, I messaged him out of the blue on that dating site just to say hi and such, not expecting a reply or anything. Surprisingly, he responded back fairly quickly!! Needless to say, perhaps a small bit of hope is reignited. :-) Btw, I've determined a new "screening system" when looking at guys' profiles on that site: automatically screen out the theater/dance majors. There are so many of them and they're all so alike! Not what I'm looking for, sorry.

Anyway, long update is rather long. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. And now I sleep.

Overworked Bitch Goddess

Harry: My perfect [breast] size is C. Like a small-mid sized C. D's are just way too fukn big. Like "Holy cow, I can't even hug u big."

That quote's not related to anything, I just found it amusing how it came up while we gchat'd.

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So I was chatting with Michelle earlier today, and it seems neither of her roommates like me. I honestly have no idea what I did to offend them, because I've barely interacted with either of them. Roommate #1 apparently thinks I have a "know it all" attitude and that I should never be allowed to have patient contact (and more than that, she thinks I shouldn't go into peds). And Roommate #2 has no respect for me and thinks I should never have gotten into med school. Again, I've barely had any interactions with either of them and I've been nothing but polite/cordial with my the vast majority of my classmates. Also, they've been pretty polite back to me in public. Ugh, why can't people just show their true intentions/feelings to my face instead of this "fake niceness?" Sigh, the drama. :-/

Later I was also chatting with Michelle's bf, Lee. After a while I told him that I may be working with Roommate #2 (who I'll call Kat) on the exec board of a student group (I'll get back to the issue with her later). He asked which student group and I told him the LGBT one. He was surprised (I don't blame him) but was very "whatever" about it, like he is about pretty much everything that's not poker or Starcraft 2, lol. We talked a bit about the severe lack of LGBT health issue awareness and training amongst med students, and here's what he had to say about that:

Lee: [Regarding LGBT health issues] No offense to some of our classmates, a lot of people could use the wake-up call. :-P

That's my sentiment exactly, hehe. We've had no training or even mention of LGBT health issues throughout all of M1 year thus far, and I don't expect we will. I've heard from the M2's that they cut out (or will be cutting out) a small group discussion/module that focused on LGBT stuff during our M2 year. What little education might remain will likely be lumped into the "Psychiatry" or "Behavioral Sciences" course, together with fetishes, pedophilia, etc (at least, that's how it used to be years ago, I don't know if it's still true today).

Lee also mentioned how he doesn't know anyone in our class who's openly "out" (little does he know, lol). But I put it into perspective: why would anyone come out in med school? The rather conservative atmosphere of med schools isn't conducive to one coming out, especially if there's the slightest chance that it'd negatively affect one's career down the road. Furthermore, once someone comes out, it no longer matters what else they are. For example, they'd become "the gay guy" and any other defining thing about that person is wiped clean. Who wants to be "that gay guy" anyway? No one.

So yeah, I do want to make the LGBT group more visible and more applicable to the student body, as I can almost guarantee all doctors will run into a LGBT patient at some point in his/her career. The question is: how? I have a few ideas, but I want to expand further - and that I don't know how.

The outgoing president pretty much did indeed designate me as the future president of that group, I just confirmed. The only thing is, Kat is also really interested in being involved in the group. She was telling Michelle earlier today that she feels like she's going to be the only one on the exec board and will single-handedly improve the LGBT group, she feels that strongly. Except, once Michelle told me some of her ideas, I noticed that they're almost all doomed to failure.

It's going to be rough working with Kat. She wants that leadership power, and I don't want to give it to her because she'll use it to dominate the rest of the exec board (all potentially 3 of us). Funny thing is that she doesn't know I've been designated as the president of the LGBT group, so she really thinks she's the only one. She'll also be the president of 2 other student groups, treasurer of 2 more student groups, and a chair for a student group. To add one more presidency to that list would make her implode with stress, especially M2 year (at least, it'd implode me). Michelle is rather fed up living with her, because everything has to go her way. If not, she apparently becomes a total bitch. This kind of makes me want to be president even more, to "contain" her bossiness.

Sigh, so much drama before anything's even started! What to do, what to do, what to do?! I hope she'll at least be cooperative and polite to my face, otherwise the group will collapse. But again, hard to say as she seemingly has no respect for me and thinks I shouldn't even be here. Oh, and she wants to go into ob/gyn (because according to Michelle, she dislikes men). See the comic below under "ob/gyn" (original source here):Oh, and also look under the "Neurology" panel. That's exactly what I think about neurology. So much knowledge, so little ability to help.