First of all, thanks to those who read my last post. Alas, said guy in that post has been accepted to a 4-year university in another state (one I didn't apply to for residency) and has a crush on another guy for a while now. The chances of something physical between us are vanishingly small. But I'm okay with that, I seriously wish him all the best - I'd rather have him as "just" a friend than not at all.
I'm glad that I'm done with surgery - forever. It's almost surreal. It's been such a privilege to be a part of surgery. I think that's the main reason why I don't hate the OR (operating room). At no other time can you say you've been hands deep in another person's abdomen, or held a person's bowels out of the way, or cut off a person's leg. It is a privilege - as is all of medicine - to help someone in such an intimate way. But whereas I willingly relinquish my privilege to ever do surgery, I acquire the privilege of being the first doctor a child sees in life and helping kids and families through good times and bad. And that's exactly what I signed up for.
So the real purpose of this post is to vent my annoyance. Over the past year, most of my friends have paired up and a number have/will be getting engaged. And much of our conversations involve them talking (either positively or venting) about their significant others. And it irritates me.
I know they don't mean to, but I can't bring it up. I can't ask them to not be with their other half especially when I'm friends with all of them too. I've apparently been described by some friends as a "bitch" lately for being annoyed and snapping heads off at particular things. Maybe I have but I'm not going to apologize for it. I know I'm treated (unconsciously) as a secondary friend by now. People will bend over for their significant others but make excuses to not hang out when I ask. I expect no less.
I'm at such a stagnant time-point in my life. It's frustrating. I hesitate to act until I know where I'll end up for residency (Match is next Friday! oh my!!). But here everyone is on the way to getting married and I'm not much further than I was since I started this blog . . .
Maybe I should just focus on me, my career, and accept that I'll be alone forever.