Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Chosen Path

This post is actually 2 weeks later than when I made my decision, but it has to be written nonetheless.

I've decided that I will not return and finish my MPH.

It's not like I'm necessarily giving up on getting an MPH (eventually), it's just not what I'm looking for in my career at this time. I may end up getting an MPH as a part of a preventive medicine or ID fellowship, if/when that time comes. I may end up coming full circle and return to some lab work, but not now and not in the near future.

And I've decided this for the reasons I wrote in my previous post. The words that clarified my decision came from my M4 advisor, who told me:
"I'm going to tell you what I tell residents who're deciding whether to do a fellowship or not. A fellowship, like your MPH, requires you to give it your all and your total dedication. If you're going back and forth now, ask yourself: is this really what you want? Or is your doubt telling you something?"
Those words shone in my mind like a sun burning up morning fog. I've made my decision. And I'm at peace with it.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Uncertain Crossroads


Last week my application for re-admission to complete my MPH (Master's in Public Health) was approved. Initially I was ecstatic because I had been talking about this moment for over a year, about how I loved/valued the program, etc. Now for the past week or so, I'm not so sure - I've been getting some cold feet and doubting whether I will actually go back and finish what I started. The conviction which I had held for the past 1-2 years is gone. And it all hinges on "uncertainty."

I am uncertain that:
1. I will get funding to finish my MPH (I do NOT want to tack on any more to my growing student loan debt).
2. I really need to finish my MPH to do what I want to do.
3. I still want to do what I had originally set out to do when I began med school.

Here's how those primary uncertainties are being addressed at the moment. 1.) I stand a fairly decent chance of getting funding via teaching undergrad courses as a grad student. It was reassuring that the professor I taught for was very willing to write me a letter of recommendation and remembers me so well. 2.) I do not need to finish my MPH to do what I want to do. Would it be useful? Perhaps, but it depends on what I end up doing. Which brings me to, 3.) Without even realizing, I've changed. I had set out to be the so-called "triple threat," that is the doctor who sees patients, does research, and teaches students. Now I'm not so keen on the research bit, haha. Also I had set out to do ID (infectious diseases), and while that's still on my career list, I've begun to shift away towards primary care or another specialty like rheumatology.

My MPH degree is very specific towards a particularly ID-oriented skill set. With my degree I would be better equipped to understand infectious diseases, conduct laboratory "bench" research, and create surveillance programs relating to infectious diseases and the agents to treat them. And prior to med school, that was one aspect I had wanted out of my career. Now I don't know.

Now a few things are certain and have remained certain (if not strengthened) over the past several years: 1.) I want my career to be clinically focused on treating patients. 2.) I want my career to have a public health/community engagement component. 3.) I want to teach students (doesn't have to be med students). 4.) I want a good work-life balance. None of those require an MPH - or more specifically, my focused MPH program.

So I'm in a bind. Will I regret later down the road for not having finished my MPH? If I get my MPH and never end up going into an ID field, will I feel like I "wasted" a year? I can see myself going either way, and neither road is superior to the other (not really, anyway). I can convince myself to go either way and I've been changing my mind on almost a daily basis for the past week. Ugh.

Talking to one attending physician who basically does what my MPH would prep me to do, he asked me, "What do you want to do?" And I said either peds or something within peds, like peds ID. And he emphatically said that I did not need an MPH to do peds or peds ID, and it wouldn't necessarily help me that much. What matters most is not how many letters I had after my name (so long as I had letters at all); what matters most is talent, hard work, and good networking. That said, if there's something I wanted to do within medicine that requires an MPH (or practically requires it), then I should definitely get it.

Anyway, what do you all think? I've talked to so many friends and several faculty, and I keep ping-ponging between the two options. I can't delay my commitment too much longer, have to make a final decision soon!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Mediocrity


mediocrity by ~seven20 on deviantART

In grade school (K-12), I was always at the top of my class. I was pretty good at everything (except gym) and the world was full of endless possibilities. In undergrad, I understood that few people are truly Renaissance men. I learned where my strengths were and I knew where my limits were, in some cases hitting that unmovable wall. In grad school, the world - while more limited - was still full of potential. I learned what I loved and I learned what I could excel at.

In med school, I am mediocre. During M1 and M2 years I did pretty average on exams. Actually, no, I often did below the class average (though, my end grade was "average"). Even the classes that I had a solid background in and did above average I usually was still not among the top. But this didn't deter me as I had come to learn that grades don't necessarily equate with how well you know, understand, and appreciate the material. Then on the USMLE Step 1 exam I did below national average. While this was a hit, I eventually shrugged it off because I still passed, which was what truly mattered. Plus, since I would likely be going into pediatrics (or possibly internal medicine or both), it didn't matter SO much as long as I passed.

Surely come M3 year, with largely subjective evaluations, I should do better! Alas, it appears that I'm still relegated to being mediocre. It seems no matter how hard I try, how hard I study, how excited and motivated I appear, how much I care for my patients, I am only "mediocre." I am only "average." And this befuddles me. Here I am compared against my peers, many of whom I KNOW do not care for their patients in the same way that I care for mine, and yet we end up with the same grade (and sometimes they do better than me). What gives?!

I'm kind of afraid. I really really wanted to excel on my pediatrics rotation. I've mustered every ounce of excitement, enthusiasm, motivation, genuine care for my patients, willingness to do scut work (aka, the residents' bitch work), willingness to receive feedback to improve . . . and yet I'm not sure I can make it out with more than "average." I'm afraid that no matter how hard I try I will remain in the same place.

I am tired from my months on medicine and surgery. I've worked my ass off in hopes that I'm able to mask my exhaustion and put on a face of enthusiasm. And I honestly did care for my patients. I don't know what else I could do, I don't know what other well of strength I can draw from.

As I talked to my friend, he said the following to me:
"Don't feel defeated, you passed and you are a bad ass med school person. You're like, proving yourself beyond 99.9999% of all people in the world. Can't get too upset about that last 0.00001%."
I always loved him for his perspective on things.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Well, That Was a Good Run

---TANGENT---
Yes, it's one of those rare times that I begin with the tangent first because 1.) I don't want to forget, and 2.) it's that important.

First of all, I'd like to welcome Tim from life is my college (formerly A Story About a Boy and the Universe) back to the blogosphere. So please go to his (new-ish) blog and welcome him!!

Secondly, Edward and Landyn both lost their grandmas quite recently, on top of all the other crap they're dealing with. Please go over to their blogs and give them a hug, some condolences, and good thoughts.
---END TANGENT---

This post is a bunch of disconnected thoughts . . . so bear with me. You've been warned. :-P
---
I've been doing quite a bit of running since Sunday. I upped my distance from 1mi to 2mi on Sunday, and then to 2.25mi on Wednesday (none of this including the walking distance flanking the run on either side for warm up/cool down). I've been pretty impressed with myself and my progress thus far, hehe. I was never really able to run more than 2mi at a stretch, max. Actually, at 2.25mi, my feet got kind of numb . . . so I took that as a sign to stop, even though my lungs were fine and (somehow) I didn't cramp up. Ah well, that was a good run. So yeah, I have to progress just a bit more steadily I think to prevent injury, lol. My legs haven't been AS sore as I feared they'd be.

Too bad I ate more slices of pizza than I should've in these last 2 days (and I was trying to control myself too). :-/ It'll balance out over the next week though, I'm pretty sure . . .
---
I talked to Jay online earlier this week. He's really hard to get a hold of!! I'm not sure if we're going to be able to get anywhere relationship-wise, and here's why:

Jay: I don't think our lifestyles are compatible, but I do think we would make great friends.
. . .
Jay: I think I would be too much of a party animal for you, and you would be too straight laced for me.

So yeah, that sounds pretty clear to me that we probably won't get much further than "just friends," at least not now. Ah well, that was a good run.
---
I am finally kind of sort of at/ever so slightly above average in some of my courses after the first block of exams this semester!

The average on neurosci was 93.18% and I got a 92.45% (close enough!). The average on cell & tissue bio (overall) was 88.91% and I got an 89.61%! Alas, my physiology exam wasn't so fortunate - average was 81.66% and I only got 76.25%. It was such a tough exam!! I tried harder for that class than the other two combined, lol. Ah well, that was a good run. (Seeing a pattern yet?)

It took so much studying effort. I'm hoping I can maintain this and/or do better on the next round of exams . . . in 2 weeks. o_O Fortunately, I have slightly more time to study for this upcoming round of exams, and I'm more caught up in classwork than last block. So hopefully I'll do better. :-)
---
Lastly, I just spoke with the MPH (Master's in Public Health) people here. Basically, the conclusion we came to was that it's probably best if I completed my MPH (in Hospital & Molecular Epidemiology) back at my original institution. The MPH program here is a very basic and broad program, whereas my original MPH is a very focused and "high powered" specialization, if you will. We pretty agreed upon that it's ideal if I could somehow finish my MPH in my original program.

If I were to finish my original MPH program, then I would be poised to really have a niche field within medicine - one that's growing in importance daily. I would have such great knowledge in genetics, epidemiology, infectious disease, and medicine. The impression they gave me was that there's no way that I can not finish my MPH, because they think it's so valuable for me to have. I'm inclined to believe them . . .

That said, we talked for a good 40-45 minutes on how I could achieve that. It's inevitable that I'd need to take a year off somewhere, either between M2 and M3 year, or between M4 year and internship (which I've been advised against from every physician I've talked to about this). One of them brought up an option that I didn't know existed: take a year off between my M3 and M4 year.

After mulling that option over, I've come to the conclusion that it'd probably be the best time for me to finish my MPH then. The reason why I don't want to do it between M2 and M3 year is because I'd be totally disconnect from my cohort of classmates for my clinical years. And I think I'll really need to rely on someone I at least recognize for emotional support if nothing else, lol. Someone to bond and commiserate with. :-P

So why between M3 and M4 year? Because I can do away rotations during my M4 year, and I'd be spending a month interviewing for residency slots anyway. So it's possible that I'd be away from my med school for months at a time; and if I'm doing an away rotation, I wouldn't know anyone at that other location anyway. Plus, it allows me to travel across the US a bit, and visit cities and places I otherwise might not. Also, I would be doing away rotations at institutions I'd consider applying to for residency programs, so this also lets me "scout" them out a bit before I decide.

I have friends scattered throughout the US. I'm sure I can find someone living near an away rotation whose place I can crash at for 1-2 months, lol. The ID specialist I shadowed did that his M4 year - he didn't have an apartment, he just did away rotations and bummed at his friends' places for 1-2 months at a time. And he really enjoyed that experience. So why not at least try?

Well, that could be a good run. A part of me wants to go back and finish my MPH program so badly, for multiple reasons.
---
Yeah, I know this post was all over the place and perhaps a bit off the wall, and certainly long. So to reward you for making it this far, I'd like to leave you with . . .

Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009 in Summary, 2010 Resolutions


end of the line by *Blepharopsis on deviantART

It's now the close of 2009 and the just before the beginning of 2010. Let's take a look at my 2009 Resolutions. Hmm, seems that I was quite successful on some points but woefully failed at others. Such is to be expected I suppose. Let's see how 2009 went (using the 2008 in Summary template):
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2009 in summary (and this is by no means an exhaustive list):

Winter Semester (January - April):
- Got a new roommate (or apartment-mate, I suppose). He was alright, except when he cooked, then the apartment reeked of kimchi.
- Was a GSI for the undergrad Intro to Genetics course. Was totally kick-ass at it! :-P Read about some of it here.
- Got over 10,000 views on my blog! Not particularly exciting, just being amused.
- Went to China over Spring Break with other public health students and faculty. It rocked!! Read parts I, II, III, and IV.
- Was performing poorly in research, but was able to get a second chance to redeem myself. I hope I actually did redeem myself . . .
- Worked on an epic final project with my friend, AG-F, for a class. Read about the genius here!
- Got straight A's (somehow) in all my grad school courses. Grad school wasn't so hard . . .
- Said my farewells to the city of my undergrad. :-( Pictures here.

Summer (May - August)
- Was going to travel around in China! Then the swine flu scare, and my trip got canceled. T.T
- Saw the Star Trek movie twice, lol; the first time with a friend (YY-F), the second time with another friend (SR-F) and my brothers.
- Saw Up with my brothers.
- Went to my old roommate's, AW-M's, wedding in July.

Fall Semester (Late August - December)
- Started med school.
- Volunteered at a free clinic (with pretty much all the other M1s, lol).
- Gave an obesity presentation at a nearby high school.
- Joined the LGBTPM (LGBT Persons in Medicine) student group.
- Came out to my labmate, Leslie.
- Visited SN-F in Chicago when SR-F came to visit. :-D
-> Saw Where the Wild Things Are with SR-F and the roommate.
- Got a pediatrics externship for summer 2010!!
- Finished first semester of med school. :-O
- Saw Avatar in 3D with SR-F and my brother. Good movie!
- Saw Sherlock Holmes with both my brothers. Good movie!
- Met an old friend, JR-M, for a late lunch. Caught up a bit. JR-M had been my next-door neighbor for 7-8 years of my life.
- Met an old friend, JS-M, for a late lunch. Caught up a bit. I had known JS-M since elementary school.

Year-Round
- Met many great (new) bloggers and have had the wonderful opportunity to chat with several of you online. You make my days and I'm so thankful for getting to know you. :-)
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2010 Resolutions

I'm going to take it easy on the resolutions this year. I'll try not to make "benchmarks" for myself.

1. Be healthier. Eat healthier, exercise at least 3-4 days/week. De-stress more. Hopefully the rest will follow.

2. Take more pictures, record more memories.

3. Keep in contact with friends. Solidify new friendships.

4. Keep up in med school. Do a bit better academically, take more advantages of certain things.

5. Pursue what may be (I hope) the beginnings of a relationship. It's a secret. Well, I guess it isn't so much now that I've mentioned it here . . . but no details for you till later. ;-)
-----
Now to plug some new blogs that I've recently began Following. I'm still catching up in reading all their posts, but all in due time.

A Beautifool Chaos
Frozen with a Heart on Fire
Rock James Bottom

If you haven't visited them, definitely stop by and say hi in 2010!!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Mask of Genetics

Genetics is a mysterious and complex realm, a field that frustrates and scares many. I've never explicitly explained why genetics is a field that fascinates me and motivates me. If you told me 4-5 years ago that I'd be so interested in genetics now I might've laughed at you. If you told me that I'd be wearing my Mask of Genetics now I might scoff at the thought. Why then is it such a focus of mine? Truth be told, I kind of "fell" into this field of interest and here's how it began.

I did a lot of research in undergrad. I first worked in a pharmacology lab that focused on the Ras oncogene (genes that are over-expressed in cancer) pathway - in particular its role in neurofibromatosis and breast cancer. Then I worked in a human genetics lab on genetic deafness. With some genetics research under my belt, I had a decent grounding before I even took the intro to genetics course. I continued in my one-year foray into grad school by working in a colorectal genetic epidemiology lab.

Also in undergrad, genetics was emphasized in many of my biology courses. It was taught as being the "thread" that united and wove through all of biology, and all of life. Through genetics we can better understand evolution, development, and disease. It helps to connect things such that things that wouldn't otherwise make sense starts to make sense. It's not perfect (is anything?) but it gets the point across pretty well.

Research!
Evolution Class
Mask of Biology I
Mask of Biology II

I then began to pursue my interest in genetics further, in grad school. I took several courses with genetics as the focus - how genetics was utilized in public health, how the public views genetics, how physicians view genetics, how med school education shies away from genetics and how this can be improved, etc. My friend, AG-F, is a genetic counseling student. So having her perspective had a huge impact on me.

At this time, with the more I learned about genetic diseases and cancer genetics, it began to become a bit more "real." I had a friend whose cousin had/has colorectal cancer in his early 20s. And towards the end of the semester my friend, RZ-F, calls me to tell me someone who used to live in her hall sophomore year died of colorectal cancer. At age 22. I had vaguely known him. Something like this was obviously genetic in nature. In fact, with my (public heath) knowledge I could diagnose that without even having to think. How could it have been missed? How could his doctor(s) not notice? Did they not take an accurate and detail family history? Was he adopted? So many questions, so many frustrations that I could know "so much" and be able to do absolutely nothing.

Apparently genetics is something most physicians avoid or forget easily (or never learned it well in the first place). As such, genetic conditions are often missed or misdiagnosed. I had endeavored then, as I had all semester long, to continue to teach my undergrad students about genetics with a health "twist" so that even if they never take a genetics course again, it lingers in the back of their mind. The least I could do (at that point) was educate the generation or two of potential physicians and researchers after me about the emerging importance of genetics in health and medicine.

Just Gotta Press On
Too Epic
Mask of Teaching

Perhaps above all, genetics holds this kind of awe and mysticism for me. It's difficult to explain, but there's something to be said for genetics to be a literal and metaphorical link between all people and all organisms. That we share over 99% of our DNA with the person next to us, that we share the same building blocks as the food we eat, as the diseases that make us sick, as the grass and the trees and the animals. And DNA operates without consciousness, it just continues to work almost flawlessly every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

0.01%
Life is for the Living
Masks of Sexuality I
The "Gay Gene" Part I
The "Gay Gene" Part II
The "Gay Gene" Part III

Hopefully after this one would have a clearer view of my Mask of Genetics. If not, read the links in this post to all my past posts with a heavy genetics emphasis to them (and likely there are a couple I missed). It's clear that genetics permeates many posts in my blog and blends into several of my other Masks. I suppose in a sense it's also the "thread" that binds parts of my blog and some of my Masks together with me.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Second Thoughts

Hmm, it's a funny thing. I'm not IN med school yet and already it's intimidating me.

The M1 year starts on August 17th and goes until May 28th. Wow, I haven't been in school for that long since high school! From what I could tell from last year's M1 weekly schedule, classes usually go from 8am until 5pm most days, Monday through Friday. At first I was like, "Wtf, that's A LOT of class time!" Especially since my friends at other med schools go from 8am to noon or 1pm. But in retrospect, it's not AS bad as I thought. Last semester in grad school I went from 8:30am or 9am until 6pm or 6:30pm most days (see post here); and, I would have to leave for class at 8am and not be able to get back to my apartment until about 6:20pm or 7pm due to the buses. So yeah, it's not going to be too bad (but it's still a heck of a lot of class time).

Now, the other thing that's a kicker is my financial aid, which I got in the mail today. It's really confusing but let me attempt to explain. I can get up to about $45K awarded in loans; however, the med school is only "allowing" me to borrow $20.5K. How am I supposed to make up that difference?! Neither my parents nor I have that much money. Granted, the above amount doesn't include institutional aid (like grants and scholarships) but I won't know how much I'll get until orientation in August. And it seems I have to make an appointment with a financial aid counselor to "unlock" the rest of my loans. Grrr, this doesn't make much sense to me. Why's financial aid always so confusing?!

All this has caused me to have second thoughts, however brief. I mean, I could've just graduated from the school of public health with my MPH (Master's in Public Health). And a really good MPH at that, coming from one of the top 5 public health schools in the US. In addition, I would graduate essentially debt-free if I held a GSI teaching position for the remaining 2 semesters (which should be easy, as I was really great at it before). Okay, so yeah, I have to return about $10,000 in loans - but really, that would be super-easy with a GSI position. And an MPH is quite valuable and helpful, so I'd be making decent money (not great, but not bad). And of course, I would be helping people.

So I wondered: is this all worth it? The grueling class and time? The possible (likely) hundreds of thousands in debt accrued over 4 years? The LONG hours and crappy pay of residency? For a moment I doubted it all. Before I knew all this was coming but now that it's here, it's really scary to think about. But of course I've already committed myself, there's no backing out now. I just need to tell myself that everything will work out in the end.

And of course, if you actually read all the rambling above or just skipped to here, I shall reward you with something I came across on someone's blog a while back (I forget who's).


This song was stuck in my head for a day. I really like it, and I love the violin playing.


I LOVE the jazzy style of this song. I've been looking for something like this for a little while.

Friday, April 24, 2009

And Now, Exhaustion Sets In

Today was my last final exam - cancer epidemiology. Last night, in the span of about 5 hours, I had to learn about 11 cancers: hematopoietic (leukemia, lymphoma), bladder, liver, breast, endometrial, testicular, prostate, lung, colorectal, esophageal, and pancreatic.

Some random factoids:

1. Pancreatic, lung, and liver are perhaps the worst to get (of the ones in the list above). Such low survival rates. :(

2. Being Asian is protective against like all cancer except esophageal (potentially genetic, related to the reason why many Asians turn red when they drink) and liver (and really, for liver that's only because Southeast Asia has a high prevalence of Hepatitis B and C - gotta get them vaccines!).

3. Testicular cancer is really really weird. o_O Seriously, freaky.

And now, exhaustion sets in. Also, I'm more or less done with grad school here. Off to med school in late July/early August!! Still not sure if I'm going to complete my MPH, eventually.

---TANGENT---
I'd like to welcome back Zee at Where I Stand.

At the same time, I'd like to say a fond farewell to Matt at Brass Matt. I, for one, will miss reading your blog. :(

Lastly, does anyone know what happened to Fiction Writer's blog at Writing Fiction? It's gone now . . . not even a goodbye. :(
---END TANGENT---

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Too Epic

Yesterday was epic. Too epic. I'm actually still reeling from the epic-ness.

I was pretty tired from getting only 5 hours of sleep between Saturday and Monday, and 4 hours of sleep between Monday and Tuesday. So, because I didn't have class on Wednesday, I decided to catch up on some sleep. Then I headed down to campus. I met up with my friend, AG-F. After lunch, it began.

Starting at 1pm, we began to crank out the remainder of our final paper/project. It was due at midnight. So, from 1pm until then we worked almost non-stop. I had 1.5 hours of office hours, and we took a break to grab dinner and ate while we worked. I must've written over 25 pages (double-spaced) yesterday.

When we started yesterday, I had written my half of the paper (about 10-12 pages, double-spaced) and AG-F had only written about 2-3 pages. My half still needed serious editing, which I accomplished by about 6pm. I had drafted several of the figures we needed. We had our project planned out, we just need to consolidate all our loose sheets and mental notes into writing.

9pm came and went. We were almost done with the paper, in the final stages of editing.

10pm came and went, the paper was done except for the bibliography. AG-F goes to the computer and creates the bibliography while I type up the summary and concept documents of our project.

11pm comes and goes, we're still working on it, ever closer to finishing.

11:40pm-ish comes, and we still needed one figure. AG-F took my student ID card and dashed to the other side of the building to use the scanner and upload our last figure.

11:55pm comes, and I'm uploading our documents to an email to the professor. AG-F runs back, out of breath, and I tell her that she can relax now - it was all going to be okay.

11:58pm comes, AG-F stares at the time on her cell phone, and I hit "Send." It was (essentially) done.

By the time everything we completely said and done, it was about 1am. We had wanted to get a drink to celebrate this feat, but since the bars and clubs tend to close at 2am here (and we had work the next day), we decided that we'll postpone that until this weekend.
-----
What was this final paper and project? Well, that's also epic! Our paper was on the utilization of video games for genetics education. Games that currently feature genetics (e.g. SimLife, Spore, BioShock) are woefully inaccurate in their portrayal of genetics. Thus, we wanted to analyze the educational potential of video games, particular for science and specifically genetics.

Once we knew what our teaching goals and "game goals" were, we wanted to create the concept for a video game that centers on genetics as our project. We decided upon a MMORPG kind of game. You are a field agent of the government, and you work for the Federal Division of Genetics. Your mission is to investigate the suspicious activities of a massive biobanking and biotech company. This company is "morally gray" throughout the entire game.

The company is also the creator of the Platywi, an organism that's kind of like a cross between a platypus and a kiwi. Throughout the game, you determine the genetic inheritance patterns of various Platywi traits (e.g. Mendelian, codominance, incomplete dominance, continuous, X-linked, Y-linked, epistasis, etc) and map the traits to the Platywi chromosomes. You also discover a hidden message/password hidden in the Platywi genome.

Within this game we wanted to model various different kinds of inheritance patterns, some of which are directly modeled after human traits/genetic diseases. We wanted our game to be marketable to a diverse audience, rather than have it be a in-class video game. There are many references to biology and genetics, particularly in the way we named things. There are far more details that I'm not disclosing in this post, precisely because I don't want our idea to be ripped off by some random visitor to my blog. Of course, we were only able to come up with the rough and bare-boned concept for this game, but it was quite enjoyable nonetheless.

I'll leave you with a couple figures that I created for this final paper/project.
Platywi chromosome map

Platywi concept art

Sunday, March 29, 2009

China III: On Assignment

I sincerely apologize for not having posted in so long. It's been a hectic month. It's about time that I finish my China posts, only 2 more to go! This post is about the reason why I was in China in the first place, and is of great personal interest to me, though some/many(?) readers might find it boring.

As I've already mentioned, I went with 11 other students as a part of a trip sponsored by the school of public health. Our principal goal was to observe and experience another health care system and immerse ourselves in another culture. I was a part of the measles vaccination group.

On the second day (Sunday) in China we met with officials at the National China CDC (Centers for Disease Control). The building was cold and pretty old, and the hallways were unheated. Interestingly, though there was a "No smoking" sign immediately upon entering the lobby, a couple employees were smoking under the sign! That kind of stunned us. We were then guided to a meeting room (actually heated!) where we were served hot tea. Constantly. It was really nice, actually, as the tea kept you constantly at the edge of wakefulness.

We learned a little about the history of the China CDC. Though it had existed for decades, it had received very little funding. Then SARS hit. Suddenly, the government put a lot of money into the public health infrastructure and the CDC was basically built over the span of 2 years. In these 2 years, China was able to do things that our US CDC has failed. China has also been preparing for the avian flu for quite some time now.

The pinnacle of their achievement was a real-time surveillance system of all diseases occurring within their borders. Doctors and hospitals would report any communicable diseases to the nearest level branch of the CDC, that then relayed the report to higher CDC levels until it reached the national-level CDC. Thus, as soon as a communicable disease was diagnosed, it would be reported to the National CDC within hours. By the next morning, there would be a report of the previous day's disease occurrence on the desk of the health minister. The ability to know where and when diseases occur is an amazing achievement, especially for a population as large as China's. Our CDC had contemplated creating such a system, but after the bio-terrorism funds were pulled from the CDC some time after 9-11, all progress in this technology has stopped. As such, we have rather poor disease-tracking ability here in the US compared to China.

Later that day we went to the Tianjin CDC about 2 hours' drive away. It was much newer and in better condition than the National CDC (though, they're going to be completing the new National CDC facilities in the next 1-3 months now).

We were shown around the Tianjin CDC, which was really nice on the inside as well. Too bad many of my pics of the inside were deleted. I did, however, manage to get this pic from the lobby of the Tianjin CDC:
Chinese New Year ftw! Year of the ox!! :P

Monday through Friday was spent learning about how the Tianjin CDC (TJCDC) measles campaign worked. In December 2008, the TJCDC undertook a massive measles vaccination campaign. There were billboards, songs, poems/rhymes, advertisements, and text messages notifying people to get free measles vaccinations. Note: In China, people get 4 measles shots, 2 that're bundled into the MMR shots like here in the US, and 2 stand-alone shots. The result? They were able to decrease the incidence of measles of 500+ cases in the first 7 weeks of 2008 to less than 20 cases in the first 7 weeks of 2009 in Tianjin. All in the timespan of a month! I doubt we could achieve this level of efficiency (or public reach) in the US.

It was intersting to note that most vaccines are free to the Chinese citizens. In fact, they were very surprised that the US didn't offer free vaccines to anyone (only at a reduced rate for low-income, and/or paid for by insurance or out-of-pocket for everyone else). They were a little taken aback when we told them that the HPV vaccine (for genital warts/cervical cancer in women) wasn't free. I believe it's not even covered by most insurances in the US.

On Tuesday, we designed questionnaires to ask parents of infants on whether or not their child received the measles vaccine. On Wednesday, we went to the local CDC in Dagang (大港) District. From there we went to a vaccine clinic. After doctors administer the vaccine, infants and children go to an observation room for 30 minutes to make sure there are no adverse reactions to the vaccine. (We don't do this here in the US - you get vaccinated and then sent along your way, if you have a reaction, go to the ER.)
Baby in the observation room.

Then we went to a nearby hospital. Interestingly, there was someone smoking near the "No smoking" sign in the lobby. Seriously, what's wrong with people?! Here we looked at hospital charts and records to see if infants were being vaccinated in the hospitals. There are 3 places to receive vaccinations: hospitals, clinics, and health/wellness centers.
Hospital charts.

Before we left the hospital, we saw the "floating baby" room. Basically, parents would bring their young infants (a couple weeks to 2 months old) here and their babies would float in a tub of water at a specific temperature. The nurse would attach a flotation device to the baby's neck so the baby could move around in the water. After "playing" around in the water for a while, the nurse would give the infant a massage. The whole point of this was to get young infants moving to promote movement and general health. It makes some sense, and allowing babies to float in water allows for movement with no impact.

In the afternoon, we located an infant with measles. Measles is so rare now in the US that doctors being trained today are likely to misdiagnose it as something else. Crazy, huh? Since we only had 2 measles shots as opposed to 4 (2 should've sufficed for us anyway), the CDC people who accompanied us didn't want to take chances; so they had us wear face masks.
It's hard to see (the red rashes), but this smiling kid had measles.

After we had examined the child, we went into a nearby neighborhood with our questionnaire to sample parents with infants at random. Every child has a record of his/her vaccine record in a little red book that is usually kept by the parents (relatively few parents in the US have a record of their children's vaccine records). Thus all parents and doctors have a copy of which vaccines had been given, as well as the dates of when future vaccines are due. Doctors will then call to remind parents to bring in their child when a vaccine shot is due.
On assignment, looking for babies to interview.

The little red book of vaccines opened up.

On Thursday we did the same thing in Jixian (蓟县 - Ji County). Again, we went to a local clinic.

However, we didn't end up doing much more than that, because we had a LONG lunch where we also had white wine. Okay, seriously, that stuff will mess you up. It's not actually wine. It's more like, vodka with 32-50% alcohol content. I had like, 2 double-shots of that stuff and I had to stop (I could've handled more, but I ate WAY too much). We were NOT in good shape after lunch to interview people. And it was getting late. Friday was basically a debriefing.

If there's one thing that impressed me about China's health care system, it is the close relationship between the health fields. All the health fields - medicine, nursing, public health, etc - are united under a common banner. Members of the different health fields spend part of their time training together and getting used to working with each other. In the US, each field is separate and independent of each other. No wonder why doctors, nurses, and public health officials sometimes don't get along very well. There's certainly an air of efficiency in China. Sure, our hospitals are generally in much better condition; sure, our medical technologies blow China's out of the water; but at least they know how to work together to get a job done.

Monday, March 16, 2009

China I: A Stranger in Ancestral Lands

This is the first in the long overdue installment on China.

First a quick synopsis of why I was in China. Over Spring Break, I went with 11 other students and 3 faculty from my school to visit the China CDC and the Tianjin CDC. We were to immerse ourselves in the culture and learn a different perspective on health care. We were divided into two teams: a measles vaccination group (that I was in) and a maternal-infant health group.
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"How would people view someone like me - obviously Chinese on the outside but perhaps less so on the inside?"

A quote from a journal entry we had to keep while in China. Both my roommate for the trip and I are Chinese-Americans, more specifically ABCs (American-born Chinese) who've never stepped foot on to mainland China. We were "in the same boat," we were constantly curious about how the real Chinese would view the two of us. What would it be like to be a stranger in one's "ancestral lands?"

I was filled with nervous anticipation long before I endured the 14 hours on a plane before landing on another continent. What would it be like to walk in the land that my ancestors had lived and died in? Would I feel some connection? Would this trip mean something more to me than an academic inquiry into a foreign health care system?

Riding in a bus, passing the wintry brown countryside, we headed towards the mountains surrounding Beijing to visit the Great Wall - a monumental testament to human will that can be seen from space. There is a saying, 不到长城非好汉 (bu4 dao4 chang2 cheng2 fei1 hao3 han4). It means, "Until you reach the Great Wall, you're not a proper person." The Great Wall represents a major hurdle in life, and until you've scaled it, you cannot move on and grow as a person.

It was wonderful walking along the Great Wall, even when it was barely above freezing outside. The weather was surprisingly clear and sunny. There was a sense of adventure, of awe at this testament against time. It was incredible how long it stretched and snaked its way along the mountains into the horizon. Breathtaking.

We only had 2 hours at the Great Wall, not enough time to walk along its ramparts very far. On our way down, we were accosted by many vendors. I decided to bargain for a silk scroll. It was pricey, but I bargained it down to 1/4 of its original price. Later I learned that even at this price I was ripped off. -_-

After lunch, we then headed to the Forbidden City, also know as the Imperial Palace. But first, a gratuitous picture of lunch. Yes, it was like that for almost every meal while we were there. Again, as my friend said: "The food is so good, it shouldn't be this good."

Then we were off to the Forbidden City. We entered through the back into the Imperial Gardens first and exiting the front into Tiananmen Square.

Some of the trees there were hundreds to thousands of years old. There were two "lover trees" in the gardens. One pair of trees grew naturally and appeared to branch in two, and another pair were engineered to give the opposite appearance - to grow into each other.
A pair of trees that naturally grew to be joined in the lower trunk.

A pair of trees engineered to grow into each other.

Upon passing from the gardens into the Forbidden City proper, we encountered doors with the "double happiness" character (喜喜, xi3). Our tour guide (who was walking at Hong Kong speed, I swear) told us that if we rubbed our hands on the characters in a heart-shape, said some words to ourselves, and then put our hands in our pockets, we would find love within 2-3 months. Well, according to that I have until my birthday for love to fall into my lap, haha.

The Imperial Palace was full of symbolisms. From the roofs to the animal guardian statues. From the colors to the layout. There was meaning in ever aspect of creation.
Roof guardian animals grant protection. The more animals, the more protection.

A guardian lioness holds a cub in her left paw.

My favorite picture.


After we finished with the Imperial Palace, we exited into Tiananmen Square. To have learned about Tiananmen Square from a US perspective and then to see it as it currently is, was quite an experience. It wasn't what I expected it to be, though I really had no tangible expectations to begin with. Oh, by the way, there were people in military uniforms everywhere. It was a bit daunting. I think they were performing some of the police duties.

This was all day one. Yes, Great Wall, Forbidden City, and Tiananmen Square in one day. We also went to the Pearl Market in Beijing for an hour or so. Everything was bargain-able there. EVERYTHING. In the last 5 minutes I found a vendor who was selling underwear. You could bargain underwear!! I would've bargained and bought underwear, just to say that I did, but alas I ran out of time. I'm not a particularly good bargainer. :-/
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In that first day in Beijing, China, I knew what this trip meant to me. It was a means to escape the current humdrum of my life, to explore and feel alive again. Grad school immediately following undergrad with hardly a breath between summers had worn down my mind, body, and soul. I needed to escape, if only for a little while. In China, I immersed myself in an aspect within me that had always existed but suffered from disuse. I sought to connect myself to the world around me, to bridge where I was from and where I am.

Were these people "my" people? Was this land "my" land? I don't know. I've never really felt that anywhere, in the US or in China. But I felt connected. I felt like I was standing on a bridge between two worlds, alternatingly looking East and West. As to how the Chinese thought of me and my roommate? Well, that's for another post. But suffice to say here, the non-Chinese people with us were sometimes referred to as our "American friends."

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Falling Glass

This is not a China post.

First a bit of good news: my dad was able to recover 90-95% of my pictures off my SD card!! He downloaded some program that lets him rip data off SD cards or something. This was the second highlight of my day. ^_^
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Now, on to more serious matters. Ever knock over a glass at the edge of a table/counter, and you're just watching it fall to the ground in slow motion until it hits and shatters? That's how my research work is like right now. Let me elaborate. First, for this post, let my researcher = EV-M and my PI = SG-M.

At the end of last semester/beginning of this semester, my research was like a glass at the very edge of the table about to fall. My Western blot project had stopped working, and I was just beginning the RNA extraction project but I wasn't going fast enough for SG-M's satisfaction. In January I temporarily shelved my Western blot project to focus on the RNA extraction, which was the more important of the two. That is, until I royally fucked up (read here). That was the bit that knocked the glass off the table.

I haven't been doing much in the lab during February because the RNA extraction was shelved (from me) and my Western blots still weren't working (the transfer box refused to work). As a result, I've felt like my presence in the lab was just a waste of my time, EV-M's time, and SG-M's time. So I haven't been working much. I haven't be performing up to my standards, (or anyone's standards) it's been a long since I've produced results, and I talked to EV-M about all this today.

EV-M revealed to me that SG-M is not happy with my performance in the lab. Gee, me neither, no surprise there. But SG-M basically banned me from the RNA extraction project without directly telling me. EV-M told me that both he and SG-M felt I needed to take more initiative and get things done. That was seriously a slap in the face because I'm almost always the one to initiate things in any group project. I'm the one who tries to coordinate and make sure things get done. To say that I don't take the initiative in the lab was a blow to my ego.

But now I don't know what to do. Without the RNA extraction project, I don't have much to do in the lab. The Western blot is MY project, as in I designed almost every aspect of it from the moment I started. It's not my fault that the equipment failed. But now I'm supposed to somehow find a way around this?! Apparently people in the lab "notice" that I'm just not doing a good job. That almost makes me feel everyone's talking behind my back without letting me know what I'm doing wrong. The lab is "too polite" as EV-M puts it.

So I'm watching this glass fall towards the ground. As far as I know it hasn't hit the ground yet, so I may still be able to catch it and put it back on the table. But I don't know if I'll be able to make it in time and I'm not sure it's entirely worth it. According to EV-M, SG-M isn't someone I want to piss off. He's well known in both the medical and public health world, and so if he says anything bad about me, it'll doubly hurt my reputation. I had a pretty good reputation coming into this lab, and I'll be damned if I leave with a crappy reputation. He's already displeased with me, and I don't know how to properly fix this.

This and the jet-lag sucked away all the relaxation and happiness I rediscovered during Spring Break. I feel so beaten and broken this semester. I'm not the only one, my friend AG-F feels exactly the same (though for somewhat different reasons). Why does second semester suck so much?! T.T

What should I do?!?!?!
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I want to leave on a high note because I feel somewhat depressed by the possibility of (effectively) losing my research job and crawling away with a bruised ego and a severely damaged reputation.

So the first highlight of my day was in GSI prep session. I found out that most of the GSIs only have 5-7 students go to their sections, maybe 10-12 at most. In contrast, I generally have at least 10-12 come to my sections, and up to 20-25 students in my Friday sections. I must be doing/teaching something right if people keep coming! That makes me feel like I'm actually able to accomplish something.

Right now, GSI-ing is what keeps my head up. I love teaching and love leaving discussion sections feeling like I've helped someone understand the genetics material. Also, it doesn't hurt to know that I'm more favored by many students than the other GSIs, because I keep getting complimented on how I teach. ;-)

Friday, February 20, 2009

I'm So Outta Here

I'm so done with this week. I'm so outta here.

2 exams done, 2 papers done, and a group project well under way. Now time for Spring Break (yeah, I know my school has Spring Break freakishly early). I'm off to China in less than 12 hours. That's crazy!!

I'll keep a journal of some sort, and I'll be sure to take lots of pictures. :D

Now, if you would excuse me, I'm going to let the fuzziness of exhaustion claim me now.

Good night. I'll see you all in a week.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

No Time!

Sorry for not posting in . . . a week?! Hmm, it's been a week. And it's past 5am right now. Why am I still awake? Good question you might be wondering.

Today (yesterday? Tuesday) I had my biostatistics exam. I swear that class is out to get me. At the very least I managed to finish every question and write something down. I think towards the end I was just trying to come up with ways to manipulate the equations to create an answer that remotely made sense. I also made mistakes on question 2 (there were only 4 questions) over and over again, and spent like half an hour re-writing my answers. -_-

I was somewhat fried by the time I had to teach discussion section today. At least that's something I'm good at, so I'm told. My friend, EA-F, is friends with one of the girls in my Tuesday's discussion section. Apparently I'm one of her favorite GSIs because I explain things really clearly and I seem personable and approachable. W00t! ^_^

Anyway, to the point of this post so I can sleep. Why am I still awake? Because I just wrote 2 papers back-to-back in one sitting (starting at around 7pm). Granted, the first paper I've been working on for about 2-3 days now. But it's 10 pages, single-spaced. The second paper is at least 5 pages, double-spaced. All I have to say is this about the 2nd paper: Worst. Essay. Ever. That's saying a lot because I pride myself on my essay-writing abilities. Good thing neither essay is due until Friday, but since I'm leaving early Friday for China, I really have to have it all done by Thursday evening.

I need to spend tomorrow (wait . . . today, Wednesday?) MASSIVELY editing my papers and studying for my cancer epidemiology exam on Thursday. Argh. AND I still have to meet with my group on Thursday to work on our paper and presentation on non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Do not want. I already spent 1.5 hours creating 11 (really nice, btw) slides in PowerPoint.

I have NO TIME!!! T.T

I must release some of this stress so I don't get another "stress" cold on top of the one I'm JUST recovering from. Maybe a quickie before bed . . . might help me sleep faster. Ah, 4.5 hours of sleep here I come.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Winter Break!!

ZOMG, I'm done with exams and Winter Break has finally arrived for me. I don't even care what I get on those exam, haha. Now that I'm home, it's going to be a pretty chill break with me not going anywhere really. This break I hope/plan to (in no real particular order of importance):
  • hang out/catch up with a few friends in town
  • catch up on several blogs and link them
  • sort my blog list
  • sort my pics on my laptop
  • sort my music on my laptop
  • sort my bookmarks on my internet browser (I've way too many bookmarks)
  • watch TV shows, anime, and movies I have on my USB
  • watch, sort, and delete porn off my laptop (too much that's just there and that I don't watch)
  • finish reading The Spanish Bow by Andromeda Romano-Lax
  • read The Life of Pi by Yann Martel
  • watch all of the Planet Earth series on DVD
  • draw the pic "commissioned" by my friend, SA-F (like 2 years ago, lol)
  • draw the pic "commissioned" by Hish of Minding the Heart
  • draw the pic(s) "commissioned" by James of Just me
  • play my piano
  • master DDR (or at least get to 5-feet/5-star solidly)
  • finish the game story plot for the Neverwinter Nights module my friend JW-M and I are making
  • write 2 chapters of my story (I'm not the only blogger out there writing a book, though this story's not meant to be a published book)
  • do my "homework" for public health (I know, right?!) and other online "errands"
  • come up with a workout plan and "diet" that I'd actually follow next semester (and hopefully lose 20 lbs - I only went to the gym like 4 times between Thanksgiving and now)
I think that's about it . . . If I can get through all that it'd be pretty amazing, honestly. And now, some Lolcat. :D


Thursday, November 6, 2008

Two Things

First. Today I went to social get-together of sorts with people in my public health genetics inter-departmental concentration (PHGIC). It was just a smallish group of us students and some faculty. The chair of the epidemiology department, one of my professors and director of this PHGIC, was present. So was SB-M, who I've mentioned on here a few times as the hottest (and youngest - I think) administrator at the school of public health. I think he's only about 25-years-old or so.

Anyway, it was nice to sit with the chair of my department (let's call her Dr. K) and talk to her as a person, not as an authority figure to be worshiped like God. Of all the professors I've had the privilege of speaking to personally, she's definitely the most down-to-earth and she has an amazing laugh. She laughs a lot. She's like Santa Claus's wife, no joke. Everyone seems to look up to her, and I mean everyone. Well, except maybe her 14-year-old son, but that's just him being a teen. :P

Somehow (unsurprisingly) the topic of careers popped up. And she was saying how she was building a career when her partner wanted to start a family. Partner? Huh? Actually, I had suspected this before when SBK-F (the person who guest spoke on appealing to theological values to get people to agree - see this post) came in to ask for car keys, and Dr. K said SBK-F was her partner in passing.

So it hit me. Here is a person who is well-respected, is well-liked, with a great reputation, a great personality, an amazing laugh and sense of humor, chair of the department, etc. And she's bi/lesbian. And no one cares. And it doesn't even matter. Now that's pretty cool. It just makes me sad that my state denies her and many others partner benefits because same-sex marriage is illegal in my state. She, and no one else, deserves to be denied rights.
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Second. This is completely unrelated, and might be boring. Anyway, I've tried. I've tried to lose weight, made some great progress in the last 3 years, but now I seem to have plateaued - reached a steady-state. I envy and hate people who have the metabolism of a hummingbird, whereas mine is closer to that of a bear nearing hibernation. I don't eat that much throughout the day except for dinner (generally), and I exercise 3-4 times a week for about an hour at a time.

So I'm going to put myself on a limb and post my workout routine here (please don't laugh at my incompetence). Here's my current 1-hour exercise schedule (note, I don't know the names of most of the machines as I'm not a gym buff, so pardon my use of the motion I'm using for the machines):

- Stretch (3-5 min)
- Run 1 mi on the track (7-9 min)
- Walk 1/4 mi on the track (3-4 min)
- chest/shoulders ("standard" bench press) - 115 lbs, 2 sets of 8 reps
- chest/shoulders/back (pull down machine) - 110 lbs, 2 sets of 10 reps
- Run 2 mi on the Elliptical machine (15 min)
- abs (abs machine) - 80 lbs, 4 sets of 10 reps
- bicep (bicep curl machine) - 90 lbs, 2 sets of 10 reps
- triceps/chest/back(?) (push down machine) - 125 lbs, 2 sets of 10 reps

Tonight I asked my friend what I should do to make my 1-hour exercise schedule more effective at helping me lose weight. I'm not sure I can survive/maintain what he wants me to do. He also wants me to eat more, which is difficult considering I have very little time for breakfast and lunch. So I want additional input. Remember, I only have about 1 hour to exercise between classes (I actually have 1.5 hours break between class every day, but I need to include travel and changing time).

So does anyone have any good suggestions/modifications to my routine (or simple & quick food suggestions), before I attempt my friend's regimen? I'd like to lose about 20-25 lbs by February or so. Though, if it takes me until the end of April, that'll be fine too.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Long Week

It's been a very long week. I think I already posted about the symposium on aging I had to attend on Monday, so I won't discuss that further. I have a tendency to write a lot in my posts, so for those with short attention spans, I apologize but nothing's going to change overall. But tonight, as every minute of typing is one minute of precious sleep I won't be able to get, I'll restrict myself to 15 minutes as of right now. So if it takes me 15 minutes to type this, it'll certainly take you less than 15 minutes to read this.

Two things of note this week. On Wednesday night, after my pathophysiology exam, I went with CM-M to our friend JR-M's premiere of his movie. I've seen it before but I went anyway to support him. It's really really impressive. With a budget of practically nothing, he made a 30-minute film look practically professional. And I never watched it on a big film screen, so that was really cool. I saw both of his older brothers, the oldest whom I haven't seen in almost a decade (wow . . .). I also talked with JR-M's mom for a while. When I first saw her before the movie started, I went to shake hands (you know, as any proper formal-ish greeting). Instead she just went around for a hug and said, "What's this? It's good to finally have a doctor in the family." That was really touching. After the movie we talked some more, along with CM-M. She's a career counselor, so I think she was kind of silently figuring out whether or not becoming a physician was "right" for me. Since she didn't say anything to the contrary, I'll assume that she approves.

After all was done and said, I went with JR-M and some of his friends at his university to a local bar. It was pretty nice. They had a lot more fun than I did, but that was probably because they all knew each other and I only knew like half of the people who went. I must say though, JR-M found himself a really nice and really hot girlfriend. I'm kind of jealous. I still haven't told JR-M about me being bi, but that night wasn't the right place and time. I wouldn't dare take away his attention and thunder that day. It was all very well-deserved. In any case, I left a little depressed. Most of my close friends moved away since we graduated and I just felt really lonely again.

The other major event was today (Friday). I started working in my new lab today! I had to wake up really early to get to lab meeting, but because I missed the earlier bus, I was 10 minutes late. But they hadn't really started yet, so it was alright. All I have to say is, holy crap I know nothing!! It was a struggle to keep up with all the info.

After the lab meeting, the post-doc I was helping out basically showed me around and taught (but really, re-taught) me some of the things I'll be doing. He's really nice but also really particular, which right now is annoying as I'm still under his supervision. It's okay because I'm particular in the lab too, so once I get his protocols and routines down I'll be okay. By the end of the day I was bombarded with papers and protocols to read!

Oh! The hot MPH/PhD guy (I've mentioned him a couple posts prior) walked into the lab for a while to use a machine down the bench from me. It took some effort not to turn my head and stare. He has one of the hottest smiles I've seen in person - again, he's all tall, lean, and rugged. If he shows up again on this blog I'll have to code him, haha. Also the Spanish PhD visiting scholar, EC-F, is pretty hot herself. Her accent only adds to it all. Our lab went to a bar afterwards (yeah, it seems I've been going to bars a lot recently) and she was really nice to talk to as she asked all about the US and comparing it to Spain. It was good to hang out with the lab outside of work, as you get to know that these are "real people" who aren't just dorky robotic lab things.

I think I'm pretty much done here. I FINALLY got around to reading and catching up to this all-mighty blog: steevo in cali. If you haven't gone over to read, well, do so!

---TANGENT---
So my time's probably up now. But I'd just like to say two quick things. My lab is a cancer genetic epidemiology lab, so we basically study cancer in the population and how genetics plays a role in all that. I'll elucidate later on exactly what I'm doing, as that's pretty involved.

Now, two, I'm actually quite annoyed with epidemiology. Epidemiology doesn't actually "know" anything, it merely utilizes study designs and statistics to determine associations between two things. It doesn't have a way of determining how things work on a mechanistic level, which annoys me greatly.

I also feel epidemiology is poorly translated into news, as it's really easy to misinterpret the results and disregard the "limitations" section of each paper. And in many papers, the limitations section is the majority of the paper! One topic in particular (I won't go into it here and now, ask me about it in an email if you're that curious) involves one of the most common surgerical procedures in the US and a particularly unique disease. -_-
---END TANGENT---

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Let the Chips Fall Where They May

I really shouldn't be blogging right now. Pathophysiology exam on Wednesday. It's okay though, I managed to just finish going over all my notes. Now to go over them at least another 2 times. I've only got to memorize immology, the pulmonary system, the cardiovascular system, and cancer. No big deal (really, this won't be as hard as it sounds, I hope).

This morning (and by "this morning" I meant yesterday morning, as right now it's 1:45am) I had to wake up at 7am to go to a symposium on global aging. Ugh. Take away messages - aging sucks, and the Japanese totally own us at the whole living longer and healthier thing. Oh! I sat near the hot MPH, PhD guy who lectured in my anti-pharmacy class. He's hotter up close (although also thinner), as when he leans forward his shirt strains against his back and side muscles.

I talked to the PI of my lab today. It's all set! I'm getting paid $10/hour and I start on Friday. I need to hand the secretary my class schedule as well as my potential lab availability hours. From the looks of it, if I intend on working 12-15 hours/week, I'll be either at lab or in class from about 10am until 6pm everyday. T.T Well, at least I'll enjoy the company of a hot female PhD student from Barcelona for the next 3 months. Her accent only increases her hotness factor.

But when will I go to the gym? I don't go quite as often as I'd like as is. I don't seem to be improving in this area of making myself fitter and looking even remotely hot/attractive. It doesn't help that I sat here studying cardiovascular diseases while eating ice cream. Ugh, I'm going to get fat and die. And I don't want to turn 25, much less older than that. I mean, I'm 22 and I haven't done so many things yet! (Read: anything romantic/sexual in any way.) And now life is flashing before me.

Anyway, on a completely different topic, I'm going to JR-M's premiere of his movie Wednesday night. I just need to call CM-M to get a ride. I should get on that . . .

---TANGENT---
New blogs! W00t. Still working on reading blogs that I've bookmarked and haven't gotten through yet. Long blogs are long. And the more I delay, the longer they get. But until then, enjoy these two rather new ones:

Confused teenager's thoughts about life
Stuck In The Middle

Go over and say hi! :D
---END TANGENT---