Dating: a hesitant proposition.
That's what it seems to be with me. I've had 2 friends hint as much recently, though they didn't explicitly say so. I'm the kind of person who, when using dating sites, like to get a decent conversation going before meeting up (or giving out my number). Perhaps I'm too cautious, or slow, or conservative or something. Not entirely sure. Here's a brief history of things:
Tristan: Half-Asian/half-Mexican guy. Pretty cute guy, chatted for a while on the app Jack'd. Finally met in person at a free outdoor play in a nearby park. He was rather late, the play was like half over. Afterwards we went to my apartment to watch a movie. He loved to kiss and we ended up fooling around . . . We continued to text for a bit afterwards, but then we both got busy and lost contact. He recently "resurfaced" on Jack'd after having ended a long-distance relationship (some time after we had met), but hasn't been very responsive of late. Dead end.
Jack: Asian guy. He kind of annoyed me, was more sexual in his texts than I wanted. He was very late when we arranged to meet (like, 2-3 hours late). I was furious as it totally upended my plans that weekend. I was internally still mad the whole time we hung out. And he smoked, that's an instant turn-off to me. We continued to text intermittently for a while, then stopped. Dead end.
Dan: White guy. Rather interesting, as he's like 9 years older than me, and he actually approached me on that app. Intelligent, sweet, but ADHD (which he legit has as a diagnosis, lol). Met him at a time when I wasn't really looking for a relationship (other than friends), as I was on a string of super busy rotations. He was always 15-30 min late (seems like a pattern . . .). He got into his head that we'd be somewhat friends with benefits, but he took the FWB further than I expected, lol. He gave great head . . . like, teeth-chatteringly good. We continued to chat over wine when he's in town. He's interviewing all over the place and travels a lot, so it's hard to predict where he'll be. Dead end (of sorts, given the unpredictability of his schedule).
Dean: White guy. Short (and I'm by no means tall) but really cute. Is a chef. Chatted with him via the app, then text and finally had time to meet in person (he has an equally hectic schedule as I do). Met at a cafe, this time I was about 5 min late because I couldn't find the damn place! We ended up talking for like 5 hours. It was really good to connect with something like that. Alas he smokes, but he's been trying to quit; I guess that helps . . . Anyway, he seems open to meeting again. Door cracked open?
Vivi: Asian girl. Cute, funny, smart. Is a pharmacist. Recently got a puppy. Met at the same cafe as Dean. I liked how laid-back and funny she was. We had good conversation until the cafe closed, and then continued for a little while before she had to go home to attend to her puppy. Probably the best prospect, though her schedule is weird (but at least it's fairly predictable).
I'm honestly not entirely sure how I feel about any of the people above. The last 2 people have piqued my interest, but I don't know. There are people I've met in the past who, in retrospect, consumed a large proportion of my attention (one of whom, as I have blogged about recently, abruptly decided to cease all contact with me). There are people from my past who I still, from time to time, pine over.
Sigh. I don't know what I'm looking for. Yet I feel like time is running out. This wasn't part of the "plan," lol. I envy the people who "fall in love at first sight." I mean, what even IS that? Maybe my personality is just too guarded. I need to let things go. Which reminds me, watch this: