Saturday, April 26, 2014

The Truth Is . . .

I attended the pediatric rheumatology conference earlier this month.  It was like a mini-vacation and I learned so much!  My mind was blown at how much there was out there (and how little I knew).  I ran into a resident who's doing her residency back where we did med school, so that was a pleasant surprise.

I just finished my clinic month, which was mostly urgent care.  It was useful and my Spanish got exponentially better (because I refused to use the translator phones after a while, and like 2/3 of the parents speak Spanish-only).  But it was really bread-and-butter and much of it didn't require much "thinking."  I hate to say it, but an NP or PA could easily do what I did this month without much difficulty.  It doesn't surprise me that NPs are trying to expand their "power" and scope of practice.

But the most brutal truth is: if I could go back in time, I would NOT do med school and residency.  This is not worth it.  As much as I love my patients, as adorable as my toddlers are, as amusing as my teens are; the hours, the hospital politics, the paperwork (oh god the paperwork!) is not worth it.  I daydream of what I've given up to become a doctor.  It's not a career I'd recommend anyone pursuing.  And that's the most brutal truth.  Perhaps I'll elaborate on this more later.

I came across the following coming out video and the way the person spoke, the honesty and anxiety in his voice, really resonated with me.

Apologies that this post is all over the place.  I'm on call tomorrow (again, yay) and have to do yet another 13-hour shift.  At least I'm on with good residents who I admire and respect.  The day should hopefully not be too painful.


Mike said...

Given where you are working and doing your residency I have no doubt you have to use Spanish.

At least you're honest about your career path - a lot of people say those things about teaching. It sounds like you're objective in the rewards, and remember to remind yourself of those on the toughest days!

Biki Honko said...

I think one of the toughest things in any new beginning is the politics. While you're already swimming hard to keep ahead of all the work, the added stress of the stupid politics just adds to the feeling of drowning. Just skate along the edges, and keep your head down, dont join any faction and keep any requests for joining sides fairly non-committal. Yeah, I know that doesnt really help a great deal, but having a smile for everyone, and refusing to pick sides, does tend to grease the wheels a bit.

Keep plugging, you'll be ok, nothing lasts forever!

tracy said...

I am really sorry to hear that Medicine has not worked out for you. Especially when there are sooooo many people wishing and hoping and working to get in to Med School. What a sad thing to learn and I know you are not alone. I read somewhere that about fifty percent of Physiciand would not do it again. While I admire your honesty, what a shame.

I really hope things get better for you. All I can hope for is getting to be an EMT again some day. Big F#cking deal, right?

tracy said...

PS Thank you so much for the video. I loved it. Just so beautiful and amazing.

tracy said...

The real truth is....why did you e v e r go in to medicine any way?

I am probably the age of you mother...i will never have the chancves you have., when you leave Medicine.

You have more chances than 98% ofthe world's population!

tracy said...

I am so sorry for that last comment. i tried to delete it but can't.