Thursday, December 20, 2007

The Semester in Summary

Oh man it's been a long and rather eventful semester. So much has happened, and yet so little; some of it good, some of it bad; but where to begin? Where indeed. Well, in no particular order (it's almost never in any particular order) . . .

Firsts: This has been a semester of firsts. You'd think that by your senior year of undergrad things are pretty much set-in-stone. But no. I started a blog and "came out" to the internet (which is kind of creepy thinking about it). I came out to myself, I guess. I came out to a friend. And this is only a small part of many other "firsts." Yet still, I hate the term "coming out." It feels . . . dirty somehow.

Classes: Miserable. I had 2 I liked (of which one I loved), 1 I tolerated, and 2 I hated with a passion. Usually, there's at most 1 I hate, and the rest I like or tolerate. Not one of my best semesters in terms of liking my classes, but definitely not my worst semester grade-wise. 3 A's and 1 B, and 1 still to go (probably some kind of a B). I am glad, for the most part, that this semester is over. I shall now sit here and await my last semester of undergrad, and fully embrace the courses I've chosen.

Friends: As I've said, I came out to SR-F. That was nerve-wracking. But it's good to see nothing has changed. It's kind of eerie how nothing's changed between us - no increase in bond, no decrease, just "business as usual," or so it seems. Friendships elsewhere have somewhat deepened. I haven't been this close to JW-M since freshman year when he was my roommate. I really should come out to him . . . soon. And hopefully next week I'll get together with my old friend, JR-M, who I haven't seen in person in over a year. This is unacceptable. It's strange to think that after this semester, we're all going to be scattered across the US (or world). Again, just like right after high school. Sigh.

Travels: I've been to more places this semester than all other semesters combined, I think. I went to Canada for RZ-F's birthday, "up north" for SR-F's birthday, and to New York for a med school interview. All were interesting and exciting experiences. I rather like to travel, I just don't have the opportunity to do so very often. So it's very refreshing when I do.

Sexuality: I'm coming to terms with it, still working on that. To say I'm straight is a lie. To say I'm gay is also probably a lie. To say I'm bisexual doesn't feel quite accurate, but it's the best I've got. To say I now know my sexuality is a misnomer, as there's still a bit of confusion left. There are days I swing back and forth, days where both attractions coexist, but I don't know. I know I "swing" mostly towards guys, but never to the total exclusion of women. And even as I type this, it feels somehow fake - as if it's not my words but someone else's. What a weird feeling.

Body: Well, at least I haven't gained weight this semester, which is alright. I've been running and lifting, so a significant proportion of my fat has been replaced by muscle, that's for sure. I no longer feel out-of-place in the weight room as I can actually bench and lift a respectable amount now. Some of the guys in there though, are WAY too buff, and it's kind of disgusting. I'm more comfortable with my body, but to say I'm happy with it would be a lie. I still need to lose lots of weight. I wish I had a high metabolism, stupid genes. >.<

Orchestra: It's been a love-hate relationship this semester. I liked the music we've played, I like the people I sit near, I love playing my instrument, but it doesn't feel "unified" somehow. An orchestra is suppose to have this strange synergistic feeling, where each of the sections feeds off of and fuels the others. The cello and bass sections support the strings, allowing the violins to play out. Meanwhile, the violas blend in and fill in the gaps. The brass accent loud and grandiose parts, whereas the woodwinds join the violins in the lofty melodies. And while as an ensemble we sounded good, I didn't feel it. As a single cellist, I am but a cell of an organ of a body that is the orchestra. But that said, String Orchestra has been an amazing experience. While we don't sound solid yet, the ensemble is more readily there. And it feels like everyone's playing their roles, if not the correct notes.

Other/Final Thoughts: Well, there are many other things I could write about, but they're "conveniently" not coming to mind. Hmm. But, I'm sad to say sexy ES-M won't be in my Chinese class next semester, as he couldn't sign up for my section. Alas. But, I'd like to say (and I think I've known this for a while), I can be seduced with sexy cello playing haha. I'm just drawn to the sound of that instrument (I've been listening to cello concertos for the last day or so). It's just such a sexy instrument! Okay, enough of that.

Happy holidays everyone! Even if you do/do not celebrate anything, it's the season and thoughts that really counts.


B said...

Sounds like a good semester overall, may the coming one be even better!

Happy Holidays!!

Aek said...

Haha, the semester was alright. Not one of my worst. But, I think the coming one will be awesome.

Happy holidays to you too!!