Monday, January 5, 2009

Passing on the Torch

I'm back at my university now! I start classes on Wednesday. -_-

Break was a bit too short, and yet at the same time too long. I can't stand being at home - sharing a room with my brother (long story), colder temperatures than in my apartment, sedentary as a barnacle all day, feeling lethargic . . . it's just not me. I also gained 6-7 lbs over break, fuck! It's okay, that weight isn't "real," it'll disappear in 2-3 weeks of subsisting on my own food and working out regularly.

So I come back to my apartment in the midst of my old Japanese roommate leaving and my new Korean roommate settling in. The first thing that hit me was the 80-85 degrees F. It was way too warm, especially in my room where it's an additional 2-5 degrees warmer. So I turned the heat down "back to normal."

I'm not sure if I said this, but my old roommate decided that the commute to his classes was too far (about 30 minutes by 2 buses). So he wanted to live in an apartment closer to central campus. My new Korean roommate (from Korea) is a material science engineer in his senior year, so he'll be much closer to his classes than I'll be to mine. He's here from January until July, which is conveniently when our lease ends. For a Korean (from Korea) he speaks remarkably good and unaccented English. He seems nice and pretty laid back. We'll see. My old roommate's still lingering around, as he still has some stuff left in the apartment that he hasn't moved out yet.

The apartment is in that chaotic transition state right now. I'm waiting for the dust to clear before I vacuum, sweep, and dust. I can't stand a dirty apartment (I'm not so anal as to require a spotless apartment, I just like to be able to walk barefoot anywhere in my own apartment), so I'm hoping things settle down pretty fast so I can clean a bit.

I have a GSI training session tomorrow from 8:30am until 5:30pm. Gross! At least we get free breakfast and lunch. After that I'll probably go see what books I need to buy. My friend should be back in town by the time I'm done so we can catch dinner and go grocery shopping. My financial aid situation's been all up in the air somewhat in the last few days, as I see random money being given and taken away from me. It's kind of odd. I hope things clear quickly so I know what my billing statement is by Wednesday, when the tuition bill is due.
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A quick note on something before I forget (and I'm sure I'll do a more in-depth post on it later). I don't think I can come out to my parents any time within the next 4 years. In other words, I'll need to be done with med school and in residency somewhere else. The ridiculous new proposal of some southern state (Alabama or Louisiana) where single parents and gay parents aren't allowed to adopt came up. My parents don't see what's wrong with that law. My brothers and I kind of argued that there are no studies that support that law logically. Yet my mom still believed that kids raised in such an environment would grow up to be not-quite-right, not gay themselves necessarily, but not quite right - as if they'd get messed up.

Gay marriage also came up briefly and my parents don't see why gay marriage should be recognized legally (granted, they didn't argue against gay marriage, but still). Their thinking (and specifically my mom's) is that both partners would be working, what's the big deal with joint benefits? I think if there was ever legislation in my state to ban gay marriage (too late, actually), my parents would probably not vote on that issue. I'd like to think that, while they're personally against it, they don't have a good enough reason against it. I know that if I come out as bi or gay to my parents, they'll think it's their fault. They'll think either they raised me wrong, or there's something genetic about it, or that there must've been some bad karma (something like that) in either their or my past lives.

I think there are two conditions that must be met before I will think about coming out to my parents. The first is that I am completely independent from them, so after med school. The second is if I'm madly in love with a guy who's "worth fighting for" and who I can see spending the rest of my life with. As of right now, neither condition is met and so I continue to bide my time. I get a cold chill when I think about some of the things they've said.

---TANGENT---
Okay, enough of my boring-ish day and pseudo-parental issues. I've caught up with 2 new-ish blogs. They are:

Life On The DL
Writing Fiction

I'm sure they're no strangers here, but head on over and say hi! :D
---END TANGENT---

17 comments:

E said...

I know how u feel about getting back to your own place. I was at my parents house for four days and I was dying to get back home and to work.

The gay issue is a strange one. Usually parents with gay kids begin to understand a bit after they realize that nothing they did and nothing they can do will change their kid.

I had need of your your allusion to masks today as I was writing my own post. I hope their are no royalties involved...

Aek said...

E: I'm flattered! :D As long as you make reference, no royalties are necessary. XD *hugs*

jay.osa said...

your own place is always your own after going away to collage. coming home is never quite the same.

parents are just hard.

James said...

Haha! Our training was only like 3 hours long. :P

On coming out to your parents, just don't think about it until you need to dear. I' glad you're willing to come out for someone you love, though. It def increases your chances of finding someone.

Stephen Chapman... said...

I had plans to wait to come out to my parents - similar to yours. I then found new reasons not to tell them! (that's typical of me)

In the end, I forced myself to do it and is was not a problem and a HUGE weight off my shoulders.

Do it in your own time, but don't put it off like I did - it just adds stress to life that we dont need.

http://thestateofthenationuk.blogspot.com/

aron2631 said...

re: your coming out to your parents, I think you are making a clear-headed, wise judgment. The "independence" thing for me would be critical--there should be no possibility of the parents using their power against you.

Fiction Writer said...

I can't wait to go back to school! It is so much more a home to me than this is. I think I may stay at school part of the summer - just so I don't have to be home! I'll take some bullshit classes or something..."gen eds." Yes...Mwahaha. We pay a full year's rent anyway...may as well use it if we aren't gonna sublease. (which is impossible in our town, especially cuz our apartments are really expensive!)

Shane said...

The thought of coming out to parents is very scary :{

Wishing you all the best.

charlie said...

Hi!

Haha, I'm the same with my flat, I clean it as soon as my socks aren't white anymore. So that means all the time :) In Basel I had to take slippers with me because my roomates are not that obsessive.

I hate winter when you stay at home without doing anything, it really sucks.

Concerning gay marriage, I think that we have an interesting system in Switzerland. "Marriage" itself between gay people is not allowed, but you can sign for a "registered partnership" that allows exactly the same rights except that you cannot adopt children. I think it's a good system because you can have almost the same rights, and on the same time there is not all this debate about the religion and what the bible says. After all, if you love each other, and have the same rights as a married couple, does it really matter if it is not called the same?

Hi hope that it will be ok with your parents though. But you don't need to tell them in a short future, isn't it? I have no idea how mine would react...

All the best, and good luck for the begining of the semester!

Steevo said...

The main advantage to coming out to your parents is that they may need time to adjust and understand. That is very common. And from what I have read in your blog, you would be quite adept at helping them "get it". It sounds like your brothers are/would be with you (and likely suspect you are gay anyway). There is also the issue of respect, which I imagine is particularly important in your family. Would they feel that you disrespected them by withholding this important part of who you are. I'm not sure if you have mentioned if they are Chinese born or native USA citizens. I assume they have university degrees, so that is an advantage. Statistics show a much greater likelihood that university educated people do or will "get it".

Did they support Obama?

call.the.shots said...

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much love,

call.the.shots

TNC said...

If you are financially dependent on your folks, then it's a wise choice to hold off telling them on the chance that they cut you off.

Since you are still in school, take advantage of the LGBT resources on campus if you haven't already.

Only you can decide when is the right time to come out to each person in your life.

Aek said...

jay.osa: So true, so true.

James: -_- I got kind of light-headed after my training, haha. I think part of our purpose in life is to find something or someone worth fighting for.

Stephen: Thanks, but I still feel like I need a good enough reason at this point.

aron2631: I'm glad you agree. :P

Shane: Thanks.

Charlie: I have no intentions of coming out to my parents in the near-future, as I don't see it being pointful really.

Steevo: My parents are China-born and both do have some college degree. Statistics can lie, I've seen it, lol. Increased probability is just that, still a probability. I've no idea if they supported Obama or not.

call.the.shots: Any time!

TNC: I just sold my soul to GSI this semester . . . I have no time to associate myself with anything on campus really. I've never really felt all that comfortable around the LGBT community on campus.

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

Yeah. I really haven't come out to my folks yet despite them having a very liberal stance on issues. I think they know, but I haven't confirmed it yet. I don't know if I ever will or if it's even necessary. But still it kinda eats me up inside wishing that it's all out in the open.

Like your blog BTW. I can relate so much =)

Aek said...

John: Thanks! :D Right now, I don't actually care if it's all out in the open or not. I have "more important" things to do.

tracy said...

Just found your blog, it's excellent!
Wow, about coming out to your folks, that must be soooo scary, i can't even imagine. The things my parents have said about homosexuality hurt me deeply...and i'm straight...! i wish you the very best with all of that, you are one brave guy!

And your scheudle...how do you find the time to sleep, let alone study or eat? Do i sould like a mom now ? Heh, must be because i am, to 17 year old Sam. Be good to yourself!

Love your Charicature(sp?), by the way!
Be well,
"mom", tracy
hee, the verification word is "difity"...i like that...be difity!

Aek said...

tracy: Hi, thanks for stopping by. :)

Truthfully, coming out is the last thing on my mind (*refers to schedule*). Although my semester schedule looks ridiculous (actually it is) it's not utterly unworkable. I'm lucky in that most of my courses this semester don't require heavy studying because they're things I'm good at. It's the eating and sleeping that's a bit trickier . . .