Sunday, May 9, 2010



Sometimes I like to wake up at the crack of dawn, before pretty much anyone else. On these days, I like to watch the orange glow of the sun force the creeping shadows of night into retreat. I like to walk around town before almost anyone else, and see the shops just beginning to open. People slowly fill the sidewalks and cars slowly fill the streets. People exit doors with coffee in hand. Now the sun is higher up and washes the cement in yellow light.

Sometimes I like to stay in on a rainy day. I like to avoid the gloom and dreariness of going out on such afternoons. I would cut up some strawberries and sit, curled by my laptop or TV, eating the strawberries slowly. It would be nice to have someone with me, to share my strawberries with.

Sometimes I like to stand outside at sunset, with my eyes closed, feeling the wind in my hair and on my skin, feeling the soft fading heat of the sun on my face. I would take a deep breath, inhaling deeply, smelling the grass, the trees, the flowers, the springtime. As I walk pass trees, I would look above me and take note of the green leaves and the small flowers that most people would miss - like the pale green flowers of maples. Sometimes I would pause to take a closer look, and see if the tree was a male, a female, or both.

Sometimes I like to take a walk in the summer night, the cool air and darkness around me. The moon and stars adorned above, and streetlamps to guide my way. There's a kind of solace in being awake and out at this hour, a kind of silence only broken by the chirp of crickets. I would walk slowly, taking in the night before I too drift off to sleep and the world of dreams.

And so I ask, who's with me? And so I ask, will you join me? And for this, my friend called me sentimental. And so I ask, am I?

So I friended Drew (Online Guy #2) on Facebook a while back. We've been chatting intermittently back and forth. He seems very busy, so our conversations have been very short. Apparently, he's been dating some guy for 3-4 months now. But then they broke up. And got back together yesterday/today. And will be breaking up (for good?) again today/tomorrow. I don't know what to think, do, or say. I'll just sit this one out and see what happens. All I know is that I felt pretty down this morning when I saw on Facebook that he had gotten back together. And after he (very briefly) cried to me how unhappy he is in the relationship with that guy, and how he wants to break up for good, I'm not sure what I feel.

He seems like a genuinely cool guy, from the brief conversations we've had. He's intelligent, kind of eclectic (which I like), kind of goofy, but really busy. But then again, I suppose I am too. Alas, a fool I was to think he was single (though, on that dating site he said he was - I guess he just never bothered/forgot to change it).

Where does my bad luck come from? I pursue one person, and they're taken. Another person, and they're taken. Another person, and they're not interested except as friends. And him: taken, single, taken, maybe (hopefully) single? But I don't know how to handle this - as if I have much time to care, what with finals coming up in 2-3 weeks. After finals, then I'll see what the situation is then. Perhaps then he'll be less busy, and we may actually meet in person?

I spent a bunch of time organizing the school sites for the 2 groups I'm president/co-president for. In a few hours, I've pretty much got things how I want them.

I created a banner for the LGBTPM site. I didn't like the sheer rainbow-ness of many of the pictures. So instead I decided to create a collage of sorts, with each letter being its own color. Unfortunately, green was pretty difficult to come by. But I think I got something that works:
(click to enlarge)

"L" for the orange smiley faces. "G" for the "yellow" pair of hands washing. "B" for the world and tolerance (my substitute for green). "T" for the purplish transgender symbol. "P" for people around a red heart. And "M" for medicine as symbolized by the stethoscope. Eh, it looks alright, right?

When my roommate came back earlier today, he convinced me to go watch Iron Man 2 with him instead of my original plan to study cardiovascular physiology. Good change in plans, lol. I thought it was a pretty decent sequel, once one realizes that sequels are almost never as good or better than the first movie. On its own, a pretty solid movie, in my opinion.

After that, we went "tie shopping" because I wanted some new ties. I'm rather sick of my 5 ties, 2 of which I rarely wear. But ties are more expensive than I thought. I mean, seriously, $50 a tie?! Even at half off that's a bit more than I'd be willing to pay. Bleh.

I guess I'll ask my brother when he goes to Hong Kong over the summer (actually, in a few days) to bring back some ties for me. I also want to buy 1-2 more dress shirts, but I'll wait a bit before doing that. Alas, because I don't have an iron, I must seek out these "wrinkle free" shirts.

Later, I made some bread pudding with raspberries and Bailey's (as a substitute for heavy cream). I was met with success. :-P Then my roommate and I had a "wine and cheese" moment, where we downed 2/3 of a bottle of Chardonnay while eating Muenster and Havarti cheese, as well as raspberries. I don't know why he wants to save the little remaining 1/3 for tomorrow, but whatever.

And now our internet is broken. BLARG!! Right now we're bumming off someone else's internet. Their fault for leaving their network unsecured, lol. My roommate called customer service, and as expected, they were no help; also, no one would be able to come by and take a look until Wednesday. So if I'm not online (much) in the next 2-3 days, you'll know why.


Phunk Factor said...


Ummm....nopes! I think your more introvert..or maybe secluded, but in a kind of introspective way! Am I making sense?

I think it's best to study fr the finals right now, chase the guy after them! Best of Luck for them, btw!

And even I 'bummed' off my sister's neighbor wifi when I was there last summer! Free stuff rocks! :D

El Genio said...

You can get some really nice ties on Ebay for much more reasonable prices.

Anonymous said...


I have no idea what goes on in the minds of other guys.

tracy said...

Lovely post, Aek! i really enjoy when you "talk" to us, tell us about yourself and what you are thinking and doing.
i am so sorry you are lonely...wish i could help...

Love the banner...beautiful!


"tie one on for me"


wow man~ u r definitely sentimental :)

Hi, jst passed by when surfing the blog~ :) love your post...

dccised said...

please share pictures of these people. preferably naked ones. don't be coy, i know you have them.

Aek said...

Phunk Factor: Lol, I actually am quite the introvert/introspective person. I've learned how to "fake" extroversion though (without the use of alcohol). It comes in handy. :-P

El Genio: Hmm, I might check that out. Except that I can't see how the ties match with my shirt, and sometimes they don't quite look like they do in the pictures posted.

tracy: Eh, such is life.

L^2: Lol, thanks?

dccised: Nope, won't be sharing pics. At least, not until you share some pics too. ;-) I don't have naked ones anyhow.

JonJon said...

Loved your description of being out in the quiet world and listening to the silence and taking in what is around you. I've found I connect with who I am best in those moments.