Yeah yeah, I know it's been months since I last posted. In my defense, it's been such a crazy ride I don't even know where to begin! This residency thing is no joke, with all the days that I just want to break down and punch a wall. To anyone contemplating medicine, my advice is: do not do it if you can see yourself doing anything else with your life.
Anyway, I've basically been on 5 inpatient rotations back-to-back, starting with NICU, then wards, then 4 weeks of night shift (6:30pm till 8am), then back to wards, then to newborn nursery (which, despite the benign-sounding name, has inpatient hours - 6:30am till 7pm). That's basically 5 months straight of working 13-14+ hours a day, averaging 6 of 7 days a week. I've had to work 19 days straight twice already! Those 19 days are brutal. And even that's an understatement.
At the end of each day I'm just exhausted. I barely have time to take care of errands, much less myself! My chief residents wonder why I don't feel "happy and excited to go to work every day." Gee, it's not rocket science. If you basically work twice the "normal" 40 hours/week and have half the number weekend days off in a month, would you be happy and excited even if it's something you love doing? Likely not, I think. It's not that I don't love my patients and families - I do. They're why I haven't quit (well, one of many reasons). And there are rare moments of joy in my day, but it's so hard to really feel "happy and excited" when it feels like you're just nose to the grindstone every single day. At least I'm not a surgery resident . . . I'd probably have quit or committed suicide by now.
On another depressing note, I think I may have lost a friend. Even back in June I hadn't chatted with him in like a month or so. Now it feels like all communication has been cut off. He doesn't respond to Facebook messages, texts, IM's (actually, he doesn't even show up on IM or Skype anymore, leading me to think he has either deleted or blocked me), Tumblr messages, etc. A couple weeks ago I noticed that he unfollowed me on Tumblr and blocked me, such that none of his posts showed up on my dashboard.
I'm at a loss for words and thoughts. I don't know what I did. I know he has a boyfriend who he's quite involved with, is busy with school and work, but it just doesn't explain why he doesn't respond to any mode of communication. I even called him once or twice and left a voicemail. I don't know what to do. I haven't really tried to communicate with him much over the past several weeks, to give him some space. I'm just at a loss as to why he cut me off like this in the first place. Maybe it's partly cuz of what we did when we met in person, and given he has a boyfriend now? Idk.
On a happier note, I was lucky to have Thanksgiving off so I could go visit my family (I work both Christmas and New Year's). It's always nice to see my grandparents and my little cousin. It's such a world removed from work.
And now I'm on vacation visiting my brother in Texas for a few days. Huzzah! It's nice to sleep in. :-) I'll try to find time to post some pics later this week when I return to my apartment. After 5 blocks of inpatient rotations back-to-back, these 2 weeks of vacation are sooooo well-deserved. And I fear it'll fly by quicker than I can blink . . .