Wednesday, May 14, 2008

A Weekend of Goodbyes

It's been a while since I last blogged. It's been a rather crazy several days, and not everything I set out to do was accomplished. But soon, very soon . . .
On Friday, some friends and I went to my house about an hour away from the university to basically hang out for a couple hours. I didn't really want to go and all, but my parents insisted that I invite some friends over and whatnot. I was just like, "Fine." So JW-M, SC-F, SN-F, RZ-F, SR-F, and SP-M came over. Oh, and DC-M also unexpectedly showed up because RZ-F was running late and he gave her a ride.

It was actually kind of fun. We hung out, had a great time, my parents made way too much food. SP-M and his little brother who tagged along left early because they had to do something with his family (he lives a couple streets down from me, and was in town anyway). We were so stuffed when we all left. My parents also made me take most of the leftovers, of which there is still some . . .

After we went back to campus, RZ-F and SN-F wanted to go out to drink. They invited SC-F and me along. SC-F initially didn't want to go, but upon hearing that RZ-F could out-drink her, she couldn't refuse. I'm never drinking with SC-F ever again. She's too hardcore. Before we even left for the bar I had already drank like 7-8 shots. I didn't feel all that until about an hour later, but still. Oh yeah, SC-F's bi. Forgot to tell RZ-F that, and SC-F was hitting on RZ-F the whole time while inebriated, trying to kiss her and all. This freaked RZ-F out a bit.

We went to the bar. We got beer. I drank maybe one glass and stopped because I knew I had reached my limit. And reach my limit I did - it took so much effort to just walk straight and talk without slurring. I thought I had controlled myself pretty well all night, even though I felt a little sick and a little like throwing up. And just as we left, just as I was going to declare myself triumphant, I threw up a little in a bowl on our table and it overflowed. Just then the waitress came over. I was so embarrassed (or would be, if I were sober). I made it home, showered, and went to bed. I was a little hungover when I woke up but nothing serious. I didn't feel bad really, just my head felt a bit weird.

RZ-F was leaving today. I woke up, felt a little hungover, did laundry. By the time my laundry finished I was fine. RZ-F, SN-F, and AG-F came over with half of my leftovers and together we ate most of them.

I then went to JW-M's apartment to hang out a little until RZ-F called. I went to her apartment to say goodbye and all. We took some last pictures, had some last bubble tea, etc. Her other roommate (other than SN-F), CM-F, wasn't going to say goodbye in person because she was at her mom's not too far away. Seriously?! It was RZ-F's last day before she flies back to California and you can't stop by to say goodbye because you're at your mom's, which isn't even that far away?! What kind of friend and roommate are you?! Anyway, RZ-F cried over that. And she cried when she said goodbye to SN-F - they both cried.

I went with her all the way to the airport. All the way there I felt like I was on the edge of crying, but couldn't quite get the tears out. It was kind of anti-climatic when we hugged and said our goodbyes. I felt emotionally distant inside - I felt like I should cry but couldn't. The whole way back I just had some emotionless expression on my face.

Little did I know, I was actually a bit depressed at her leaving. There were things we left unsaid, things that I had wondered "what if." It wasn't until I met up with JW-M and some others that he mentioned I looked rather down for some reason. This must've been it. Anyway, JW-M, others, and I went to watch Iron Man. It was a good movie - after I got over the fact that he had something in his chest where his sternum and his heart really should be. But whatever, as far as superhero movies go, it was pretty good and I really liked it. I recommend watching it.

Nothing much happened. I said goodbye to SN-F, which was also sad but less so than with RZ-F. It was a rainy day, and colder than the last several days. I got a slight headache which felt like a pressure in my head - must've been the change in pressure. So I didn't feel that great for most of the day.

Then I went to practice trio music with SR-F and CB-F. I've never sightread so much music in my life as I did on Sunday. I went back to my apartment and sulked a little more.

Why this Monday was so busy is beyond me. I woke up, filled out some work forms (most of them anyway), ate some breakfast, and called MCW to find out where I was on their alternate list. I had my cell phone in my hand for like 5 minutes as I kept checking and double-checking the phone number I had for MCW. It was kind of nerve-wracking even though it really shouldn't be. I did well on the interview, how could I not be in the top quarter of the list? I finally called, and indeed I was in the top quarter of the list. Yay! Provided enough people drop their admission to MCW, I stand to have a really good chance to get in. Now, to write that letter of intent . . .

I went to research to turn in my work forms. Okay, so it's been a long while since I last filled out such forms and tax forms. I wasn't entirely sure what to write on them. I consulted AG-F, my friend who was also filling the forms with me, and together we figured out pretty much the whole thing. It took a while to get everything we needed and such, but in the end we both turned in our work forms. Now we're going to get paid for our time in the lab doing research! Yay!!

After I left, I went back to my apartment to send some emails. Then I went to the gym. Then more emails and some phone calls. Then I practiced my cello for about half an hour. Then I went to dinner with AG-F and AG-F (oh . . . there's 2 AG-F's . . . hmm, well let's denote one of them as AG-Fi for Indian). So I had dinner with AG-F and AG-Fi. After that we had some ice cream, and AG-F and I went to look for The Magic School Bus books in French and Chinese to give our respective researchers as gifts for their kids. It's actually quite difficult to find those books in foreign languages! And the Chinese is really hard to navigate because, clearly, my reading comprehension in Chinese is severely lacking.

Then I went to the library to send more emails. Do you see a pattern in my day? I've been coordinating between a lot of people. Really, I should be an administrator or something some day. Well, did that, watched last week's House MD on my computer, then went to JW-M's to hang out a little. Sent another email while I was there too.

Alright, today. JW-M and I were supposed to go to Border's to get our gift cards for participating in a study, and then have lunch around 11am. This was the opportunity I was looking for, the opportunity to have "the talk." Well that didn't happen. He wasn't awake. I went to his apartment, knocked on his door not opening in case his roommate was a asleep, and called him 3 times. I then proceeded to just go to where we were going to have lunch, but he wasn't there. I had lunch by myself and went to lab, feeling all down.

At lab I could barely function. Must've been because I'd been feeling down from earlier. I was trudging along, barely awake, feeling like I was walking in a haze. I left a bit early to go to Starbucks to get a caramel frappuccino. It took me forever to get there too. A couple times I felt like stopping to take nap, or something. Well I got my coffee, drank it, and was ready for my other job. I then proceeded to help people learn genetics for their exam this Thursday for 4 hours. It was pretty intense, as I just didn't stop. Kind of crashed afterwards.

I went to JW-M's apartment, as he apologized earlier for oversleeping (sometimes his alarm has this habit of being set but not going off). We decided to go to Border's when I got off work. So we went, the opportunity sort of presented itself but I didn't take advantage. Apparently Border's out of the gift cards we were going to get, but I got a book instead: Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. JW-M recommended to me and urged me to buy it and read it. We then went to dinner, where the opportunity didn't present itself at all as anyone could overhear us.

Then we went back to his apartment. On the way, one of his roommates calls him telling him about the douche bag-y thing my roommate, DvF-M, did. Apparently, DvF-M walked into their apartment, sat down for a little bit, opened his laptop, started a download on Bittorrent, and left without saying anything. Seriously?! That's being a real douche bag right there. JW-M's roommates got pissed at this - since the download sucks up all the bandwidth - and locked their door. When JW-M and I got to his apartment, JW-M did a special funny knock to be let in.

Several times during the night DvF-M came by attempting to retrieve his laptop. He would turn the doorknob, find the door locked, and leave. He never bothered to knock. I should preface this by saying JW-M's apartment door is pretty much always unlocked as long as there's someone awake in their apartment. The fact that it's locked either means no one's there, no one's awake, or someone in that apartment doesn't want to be distracted (unless you knock, then it's usually okay). Well, that was amusing. DvF-M was downloading and streaming tons of anime, by the way. DvF-M never did get his laptop back this evening. He's asleep now.

There was a period of time this evening where the opportunity for "the talk" with JW-M presented itself. It was almost as perfect as it gets. Both of his roommates were in their respective rooms with the doors closed, we were downstairs, no one could overhear us unless we shouted, etc. Then JW-M started talking about World of Warcraft (WoW) and I got sucked into it. I think a part of me allowed myself to get distracted and sucked in. Sigh. And I haven't even played this game in over 2 years!
So yeah, in the end I didn't end up talking to him about it. Sigh. And I keep meaning to, and I had a couple opportunities that I just blew. Why's it so hard? I know what his responses could be, and none of them negative. Still, why's it so hard for me to get into the right frame of mind to tell him? Why am I being weak at this?

I WILL tell him by the end of this week, somehow. I'll keep you guys updated . . .

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