Saturday, June 20, 2009

Disenchanted Summer

I remember the days when I longed for summer, practically dreaming of it. I remember the excitement of the last day of classes - those days were filled with joy and laughter. I would go home and play in the backyard with my next-door neighbors. Those were long enchanted afternoons of fun, of running outdoors, of make-believe games and adventure. Each day felt like it dragged on and our play was extended with the growing hours of daylight.

In middle school and high school this waned, but summer was still a time to look forward to. Usually there would be a vacation planned - some relative to visit in another state, or a road trip within the state. Days passed slowly but that was alright. Things began to change senior year of high school. That summer was the summer of disenchantment. This was it - the last summer of our childhood, possibly the last summer that I would see all my friends concentrated in one place.

Every summer since then has progressively gotten worse. While each day seemed to crawl by time still flew. Summers were spent working in the lab and I didn't have much time to see old friends. Heck, I didn't have much time to do what I wanted to do personally. Whether in the lab or at home, each summer has been a constant reminder of the forward progression of time. That there's a "next step" after this summer, and another after that. Summer has become a pause between breathes.

In effect, summers have slowly lost their allure and luster. Last summer was pretty bad, as I said farewell to many graduating friends and anxiously awaited my fate in placement into med school. This summer is worse. To have my last real chance at travel taken away from me, with little to do at home without a car as a means of transportation, and few friends in town - the days become a stupor. And yet, even in the past I've always begged for summer to end, I want this summer to drag on just a little longer. Because once med school starts, I will become indentured to the system for at least the next 7 years.

Disenchantment, it's a bitch.

Many blogs have disappeared or gone inactive of late. I wonder, what's the "shelf life" of a typical blog here? It seems that few last little more than a year. I wonder, since I started my blog in 2007, are my days numbered here?

Anyway, farewell to the following, as their blogs are removed:

coming out (on the net)
Minding the Heart
A Bi Boy's Pic Blog

And the following haven't updated in a long time (please update and let us know what's happened to you):

Life of one gay/bi boy
Life On The DL


Mike said...

I've always wondered how long I'll blog, but I have so much to say, blab, and we know when I get wound up about something I have to let it out. So maybe a while. Will my focus be so much about sex and guys? No sé, pero maybe.

j said...

rest assured that i will blog until i die (and perhaps posthumously).

tracy said...

Hi Aek,
Your lovely and sad post remended me of something i think of sometimes...Sunday nights in Summer....when i was in grade school and junior high...the whole week ahead filled with such possibity...makes me sad those times of hope and innocence are long, long gone.

Jeremy said...

I agree with you.. This summer is depressing :/

I am sad that those blogs are gone :(

E said...

The allure of summer has definitely diminished with age, it almost doesn't even register to me. Summer has become just another season now; something that simply prompts me to dig into a different part of my closet.

Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you feel. I am in college right now and I am basically headed down the same path as you even though I have a feeling it wont necesarrily bring me happiness.

Right now, I am taking summer classes so that I can pack in pre-med and a double major. :/

Hang in there! Your survival brings me hope.

mstpbound said...

Aek! That's exactly what I was talking about. You shouldn't have to memorize useless details like del508Phe to answer the question. This is EXACTLY what's wrong with the US healthcare today--people need EVERY LAST DETAIL to answer a MUNDANE question, so they run up all these useless tests. Can you imagine if the doctor for this had to order a protein sequence in order to dx this child with CF? OR, he could have just seen the cough, malabsorption, and propensity to lung infections, and salty sweat (which costs $0, btw) and made the dx himself!!! To miss the entire POINT of a question-- that to me is the biggest stupidity of all--more so than just NOT knowing the answer to a question!!!

Aek said...

mstpbound: Wasn't cystic fibrosis added to the newborn blood screening panel a couple years ago in some states? Thus, in those states, diagnosis is less necessary. :P

However, what's wrong with ordering a test to confirm CF after you've diagnosed it? I guess I'll learn and see.

Anonymous said...

What you described is exactly what I'm living right now. This is the first summer where I have to take classes and the allure of the hot weather and easy days is gone. Summer has just become meshed into all the other seasons, endless hours in florescent lit buildings.

I've actually been catching up on your blog; yours is much longer. Thanks for reading mine and no, I'm not a godparent, maybe someday.

mstpbound said...

Aek! What's wrong with ordering a test after you've diagnosed it? How can you ask such a thing! That's like, hey, I know you've got migrane headaches, but let's order an MRI -instant $1000, btw, just to confirm! That is a COMPLETE waste of money and resources, which is why healthcare is in this deplorable state to begin with! If only med students would start USING their brains...

Aek said...

mstpbound: I understand your point. But I mean, wouldn't that be a judgment call on a test by test basis? And wouldn't it also depend on the particular diagnosis and how accurate/sure you are? I don't know, but I guess I'll find out soon enough. :)