Les Jours Tristes

I've found a new theme song! :-D

Les Jours Tristes by Yann Tiersen

The title of the song translates to "The Sad Days" (according to my friend who took French) and it's from his album, L'Absente (2001), and the instrumental of this song was featured in the French movie, Amelie (great movie, go watch it if you haven't!).

I feel like the lyrics of this song perfectly fits my life right about now, considering all the recent events and dramas. Things have settled down a bit now, at least in my head. So that's good. There's a lot of things to update, but I've been having spotty internet at home due to a "feud" between my youngest brother and my dad. So I have to be umbilical cord-ed to the ethernet cord when I can manage.

---TANGENT---
So, I have a Yahoo! email account. Nowadays when I see the log-in screen, they have various backgrounds including this one:
I must say, that's one attractive guy. :-P Alright, that's all. Hopefully I'll be able to update on some of the things that happened in the last 2-3 weeks.
---END TANGENT---

Can't Outrun These Clouds

Can't Outrun These Clouds

Run, faster faster, no respite
no time to relax
no time to stop.

These clouds approach again,
but the umbra of their gloom
has already taken me.

Beat beat beat, my heart drums
as I can't outrun these clouds.
I thought I had escaped
I thought I could relax
I thought I could sleep.

No.
The clouds linger
and follow me still
even as I leave,
even as I'm gone.

I am weary and nearly broken.
I have toiled under this gloom -
under these clouds
too long, way too long.

I long for the sun
I long for the clarity of sky
I long for a chance to stop
I long for escape -
to get away, far away,
from it all.

But these clouds haunt me
even while I'm away.
I just can't seem
to outrun these clouds.
Soon they will overtake me
again . . .

Should I give up?
Just let these clouds
engulf my sky?
I just . . .
can't outrun these clouds.

I Am Done With This

So in my last post, G, the girl who parks next to my spot, has continued to harass me. In fact, she has caused me to lose sleep over this incident. I probably didn't fall asleep last night until past 2am and woke up at around 6:30am. I have had enough. I am done with this. Here are more of our exchanges below:
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Her reply:
A,

You have parked poorly about 90% of the time when you parked next to me, giving me dangeously enough room for my small car. The night of the accident you knowingly did not give me enough room. You even stated "I was hoping you wouldn't arrive until after 6" which is a sorry exuse. I noticed my spot was tight, and I was very careful, and once the nose of the car and the SIDE VIEW MIRROR made it clear, I figured I had just enough room so I continued. And then the scratch happened. As you did not give me the curtisy of straightening out your car when you were parking, you are at least 50% resposible for the scratches, as you were the one illegally parked. Another important point: YOU COULD HAVE PARKED IN YOUR OWN PARKING SPOT!!!!!! You CHOICE not to, and you have to deal with the consequences of your actions.

I agree I was the one driving, so I think a very resonable compromise would be splitting the cost 50/50. That would mean both of us pay $198.

My answer:
Hi G,

I appreciate your response and I would like to address your concerns.

First, if you contend that I parked poorly about 90% of the time (which I disagree with), it should've been all the more pressing that you preemptively ask me to move my car. As I said before, I would've gladly complied. I should also state that the car parked to the left of my spot routinely parks very poorly and sometimes even a little into my spot, which was the sole reason for my parking that night. I would still like to point out that even that night I was always within the lines of my spot. Thus I don't see how I could've been illegally parked.

Second, you yourself said that you figured you had just enough room to continue, which contrasts against your claim that I "did not give [you] enough room." It was, unfortunately, an error in judgment that resulted in your scratch. Third, while it's true that I typically park in a spot farther away, there is no rule (that I'm aware of) that restricts me to one of the two spots allotted per apartment - as who parks where is between my roommate and I. And so, out of courtesy, I shall refrain from parking next to you in the future unless absolutely necessary.

In deference to my first point, if you would like me to notify the car that's parked to the left of my spot, such that you could work out an arrangement with him/her, let me know and I shall do so. I still do not believe it to be fair for me to pay for scratches that you incurred on your car.

A

Her reply:
A,
You were definitely, without a doubt, over the line that day. And you frequently were parking ON the line before. I have a small car, so while it was inconvenient for me, I decided not to bother you until this incident. Further more, I have NEVER EVER had this problem with your roommate. He either knows how to park properly on his first attempt, or he is curteous enough to straighten out. And once again, as you were using two spots at the time, and you see that you are infringing on my spot (as you were, I did not actually measure but a conservitive guess would be at least 6 inches into my spot) then you should have used the other spot, as no one else was using it. Your car being partly in my spot is the reason why the rear passenger door scraped the pole. You even admitted at the time that you were partly in my spot, so I do not know why you are lying now. We have a difficult parking garage, and I was so used to you on the line that I assumed this would be another tight sqeeze, and was perhaps more confident in the size of my parking spot than I should have been. I am accepting part of the blame and that I am partly responsible. I talked with R the manager, and he agrees that you are partly responsible for my car getting scratched given the circumstances. Out of being a good responsible human being I would appreciate your taking responsibility for your actions and helping me pay for fixing my car.

G

My answer:
G,

I've tried to be civil but I have only been met with accusations and insults. I do not appreciate you accusing me of lying. I did not change my story. Although I might have once expressed regret that I was close to/on the line, I have never said I was over it. I have consulted with many people, including a lawyer, and they all agree that I was not at fault and that I owe you nothing. I also talked to R earlier today and he contradicted the last message you sent me. I ask that from now on we both leave R out of all this as it's not his job to arbitrate. I understand that you are upset, but I am well within my rights and it was completely unreasonable for you to ask me to pay 100% or even 50% of the damages for an accident you caused. I am done with this. In the name of common decency, please let it rest.

A
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I should add that my final reply was proofed by up to 5 friends and my friend's lawyer dad. For at least a few days, I shall ignore her. I've altered my Facebook settings to specifically prevent her from viewing certain content on my Facebook page as well as restrict/disable her ability to comment on my wall and such. Finally, I've altered my Facebook settings such that I won't even get notifications of messages being sent to me; thus, unless I specifically check Facebook, I won't know if she replies or not. She's pretty passive-aggressive and hasn't stopped by my apartment to confront me in person (other than the moment right after the incident), so I'm counting on that she won't.

I need to obtain a few more pictures of the "scene." While the pictures won't be as informative as they would've on the day of the incident, they may still prove helpful in the future. Thank God for comparative negligence laws being on my side (at least, they seem like they definitely would be in this situation).

The Gall!

First of all, please write a comment to my last post here. Post as anonymous if you so choose.
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Now, to the meat of this post. Yesterday (Friday), a girl in my class sent me a Facebook message. This is what it read:

Her:
A,

I am going to make the appointment to have my car repainted on Tuesday morning and was wondering if you could pay me this weekend. The total will be $396, including tax. You can put the check under my door (apartment XXX)

Sincerely,
G

My reply:
Hi G,

I would like to clarify a couple things:

First, while I empathize with your situation, I do not feel it is fair for me to pay for the scratches on your car. I was not in my car, my car was not in your space, and you could have asked me to move prior to you incurring the scratches if you had any doubts about getting into your own spot. Furthermore, both my car and the pillar were stationary; thus, it was the driver’s responsibility to avoid them and I am not at fault.

Second, I'm not sure why you are asking me to pay for damages when I didn't incur them on your car. I had always been within the lines of my spot. It's true that on occasion the car to my left was slightly over the line into my spot, causing me to park closer to my right line (but still within my lines). If you had any doubts about getting into your own spot safely, you could have talked to me and asked me to preemptively move my car, which I would've gladly complied. In this way, this current situation would never have happened.

I hope you can understand my perspective on this issue.

Bests,
A
---
Seriously?! A message like that via Facebook?! The gall! That's not classy at all. The supposed incident as described above happened about 2 weeks ago. Last week she confronted me in the parking garage under our apartment complex about this. She thought it was fair for me to pay for 75-100% of the cost of the scratches that she made on her car. I wasn't going to negotiate right there and then because her step-mom was also present next to her.

Now, I've consulted numerous friends and all of them, without fail, have told me that I shouldn't pay. Even one of my friend's dad, a lawyer, tells me that I should only pay 10-15% at most to keep the peace if I felt compelled to pay something. But after that Facebook message - and what read to me as a sense of entitlement to the payment - I won't give over even a cent.

The aftermath of all this has been pretty calm. She hasn't responded to my reply and she hasn't otherwise confronted me yet. Hopefully she sees my point and how ridiculous it is for her to ask for payment concerning something I didn't do. And I hope she leaves me alone. But I'm bracing myself for the imminent hatred that'll now radiate from her towards me. Whatever.
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Lastly, please post a comment to my last post here!! Thanks! :-)

I Need Your Help

Hi all, a quick question for all of ya.

Prompt: Medical interviewer from hell

Could you please tell me about a few bad experiences you've had with health care workers (e.g. nurses, doctors, etc)? Is there anything you wished that health care workers would do/address?

Please leave your answers as a comment to this post (or you may email me). Your answer need not be very personal/specific. Anonymous comments are encouraged.

Thanks!!

P.S. I'm gathering bad experiences from people to give to a dinner speaker of an event I'm organizing. Hopefully, this will help med students become better and more empathic when interacting with any and all patients.

Popping In

Hey all,

Just popping in here for a bit. It's been a busy few days. Last week was one of the most frustrating weeks I've had in a long time. The corner of my left eye still intermittently twitches uncontrollably from time to time, even now. I won't go into all my frustrations, for there are many. And the moment's passed anyhow.

But, this week has been better thus far. I won't say much more than that right now. One thing I've learned is that I should never proclaim good things, because I jinx myself and things don't turn out as wonderful as I predict, lol.

Also, Inception, amazing movie. Go see it!! I couldn't stop thinking about it after seeing it on Sunday, and that might be why I didn't sleep too well that night, lol.

Alright, last week of peds rheum. And I have to give a 10-minute presentation on something on Thursday. That PowerPoint is almost done . . .

Learning to Smile

When I was little, I was told that I had a goofy smile, that it looked a bit weird, and that I showed my teeth in an odd way. I was told to smile better but I didn't know how. So for years I avoided smiling on demand when asked - the only smiles I had were those spontaneous one that you couldn't control, the ones that weren't taken in photos. For years I refused to show my teeth. I had to learn to smile, learn to be comfortable with it. I feel like I've finally reached a point where I could be comfortable smiling.

And because it took me so long to learn how to smile, I also had to learn how to hug. I avoided contact and gave people their space. It was weird and awkward for someone to invade my personal space or for me to invade theirs, wanted or unwanted. Even now, hugs feel strange though I crave the feeling. Even now, touching another person is somewhat awkward. But I'm learning how to hug and I think I'll get it soon.

And because I'm still in the process of becoming comfortable hugging, I have yet to learn how to dance and be comfortable within myself. And so dancing is incredibly awkward for me. It makes my heart race, it makes me sweat, it makes me nervous - for who would be the one to notice and laugh and send me back to square one? It may be a while yet before I learn how to dance.

And because I have yet to learn how to dance - to feel comfortable with my own limbs - it may be too early for me to be involved in a relationship. To first feel comfortable enough to smile, then comfortable enough to allow contact, then comfortable enough with one's limbs, and finally comfortable enough to be vulnerable to another - this is a long road that I started way too late. What have I been doing all those teen years?
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Last Friday I went to a wedding, one of my labmate's from anatomy lab. Two other labmates went with me, and they each brought their significant others. I was alone because the final labmate bailed on me.

He looked so happy getting married. He's usually someone who's calm and level, who doesn't let his emotions shine through. He had a great poker face. But there were no poker faces that night, and his smile was the brightest in the room. He was marrying his best friend whom he had known since they were both 4-years-old. And during the reception, as he gave a toast, he almost let himself cry - his shell broken for a brief moment. And it was endearing.

And throughout the entire day, we all had to smile, and hug, and dance. While I was okay with the first two, dancing was rather rough the couple of times I was dragged on the dance floor. It was a lovely wedding and I am truly happy for the both of them.

The last few weddings have left me with mixed emotions. Happiness for the bride and groom, sadness for myself. Optimistic that there are such things as happy endings, pessimistic that I'd be so blessed to enjoy one.

I have a ways to go. To learn how to dance, to love, and to be vulnerable. To find my best friend with whom I'd gladly spend eternity. The question is a trial of time. This is one future that I can't even predict. How many long years will it be before I reach the edge of where so many already are?

Though I think that at the end of the road, I'll come full circle and learn to be a little kid again - to smile, to hug, to dance, and to love as they do. Because they are uninhibited. Perhaps society makes us unlearn that which is innate, and it's only through struggle that we re-learn that which we've forgotten . . .