You're Better Than Me

About a week ago, I had the following conversation with Michelle on gchat (slightly edited):

Michelle: Hey, I try to be open. But when I'm not good enough to talk to someone . . . I get really irritated.
Me: Awww. I never got that sense from her. Maybe I'm just oblivious, idk.
Michelle: No, you fit into a different class of people than me. This is most certainly not the first person I've experienced this response from in our class.
Me: Lol, what do you mean by that?
Michelle: You're better than me. I'm overweight, and I don't look like I have money . . . so I get relegated to a lower class. Plus a myriad of other factors. But I'm judged on the first two sooooo quickly.
Me: How am I better than you? And how do I not meet those criteria too?
Michelle: You're more peppy than me. More positive. People like you. I don't know anyone who doesn't like you.

I was rather taken aback by her statement. While it's true that I don't know of anyone who overtly dislikes me, I'm not exactly best buds and close friends with most people in our class either. I tend to hover outside near the fringes of most social circles. It's a rather weird place to be, tbh.

Maybe I am peppy, though I don't really feel it. I try to be positive, but sometimes that's difficult. In any case, I certainly feel no better than anyone else (and very much the opposite compared to some people I know). If only personality is everything, hehe.

---TANGENT---
1. I got an iPod Touch a few days ago. We need one for use in the hospitals and clinics (apparently). I had the option of getting an iPad but I turned it down. Before you shriek, here's why: it's bigger and less practical to carry around in the hospitals. True, it fits in my white coat, but it's just this big bulky thing that I don't want to have on me at all times (and we'd be required to use it and have it with us at more or less all times). So yeah, I've been fiddling around with this iPod for the past few days. I resisted for a while before getting the Grindr app. I still don't see what the big deal is about it . . . Anyway, any "must get" apps?

2. Landyn's back (sorta)! Go read his update on his blog, Stuck In The Middle.
---END TANGENT---

Will This Work?

So if you recall from like a year ago, things with Jay didn't work. In retrospect, that was probably for the best.

And while I met Drew a couple weeks ago, it looks like things won't work out with him either. Apparently he had gotten back together with his ex-bf - the same guy who brings him such great highs and such great lows (it's a rather bipolar relationship). Things were rocky and last week they've broken up, again. And within the last week, he's been dating this guy he seems to really like. They go to the same undergrad, so it's much easier for them to meet up than, say, with me. Oh well, I saw this coming. I'm not disappointed, per se, I'm happy for him. But man, I still can't quite get over him (which is odd, since we never really got it on to begin with). I think he's one of those people who can connect with almost anyone really easily.
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At the same time, a new guy started messaging me online a couple weeks ago. I'll call him Mel. He seems like a nice guy. Anywho, a few days ago we actually met up for a "date." I say "date" because he considered it a date, but it didn't quite feel like one to me (not that I'd really know).

While he goes to school about 45 minutes away, he had to stop by my area because there's an art store near here that he needed to get supplies from (he's a graphic design and animation student). So we met at a Barnes & Noble at the mall near me. He was wearing a black fedora and a black trench coat; eh, must not judge (but really, a trench coat?). We walked around the mall a bit, making small chat. He seemed nervous and shy. He had this habit of talking in small quick bursts in a low tone, kind of how my youngest brother talks sometimes.

After a few minutes, we went to a sushi place not too far away. It was pretty good, it had been a while since I'd had sushi. The place was pretty empty since it was still a bit early for dinner. We chatted some more. I felt like I had to initiate a few times and be more upbeat, because he seemed somewhat monotone. Once we finished, we went back to the mall to mill about for a bit before saying goodbye.

I don't know. I just didn't feel like we really connected. I mean, we could be good friends but I'm not sure if it'll go any further. There was an odd disconnect in person that I didn't quite feel when chatting online.
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What am I looking for in a person? What am I looking for in myself? Will this work?

I suppose I have more important things to attend to; that is, working out (I've been pretty slack on P90X and it's showing, ugh) and studying for finals and my Step 1 exam in June (I'm less than 60 days away, eep!!). Tick tick tick . . .

Leave Your Mark

Afterburn by `creativ82 on deviantART

It always amazes me how some people can have such an impact on others.

A couple weeks ago I attended a dinner event to which I invited Dr. H and his team to be some of the speakers. He's just as inspiring to me as always. I asked (innocently) the panel about how we as medical providers may help patients adhere to various treatment regimens. At that, the neurosurgeon present called me naive, how we can't change people's behaviors, and how we have to meet patients where they are. Instantly Dr. H took over and agreed that we needed to meet patients where they are. Some patients aren't ready to adhere to a treatment regimen, but what we must do is to help them prepare for the day that they are ready. It's more important that they see us and stay "plugged in" to the health system than to demand them to take their drugs.

I also attended a lunch talk by an MD/MBA about his journey in getting a dual-degree. I love hearing docs with dual-degrees speak because it usually tends to reinvigorate my desire to finish my MPH (which I still fully intend on doing).
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A few days ago I attended the state medical society's annual meeting in the state capital. At this meeting, resolutions are debated, recommendations are made, and then resolutions are voted on. We, the medical students, have made some great changes to the state medical society's policies on a variety of things.

One student put forth an anti-bullying policy that explicitly states the position to oppose bullying in all its forms (including against LGBTQ individuals), and to encourage and support school anti-bullying training programs for students, parents, teachers, counselors, coaches, etc. The specific inclusion of the LGBTQ wording caught some controversy from a few physicians, as they felt it detracted from the "oppose bullying in all its forms." On the floor of the House of Delegates, there were some amazing testimonies from students and physicians in support of keeping the language. One physician (a plastic surgeon) stated that LGBTQ must be included in the resolution as is because, unfortunately, many people still don't see bullying against that population as a legitimate issue. And a med student said that, while LGBTQ students are bullied about as much as any other student, the severity of the bullying may be worse. In the end, the resolution was adopted.

My resolution was adopted without opposition (which is rather rare). I "merely" reworded the hospital non-discrimination policy to include: sex, gender identity, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religious beliefs, and disability. The original wording only included class, means, age, and gender. While this resolution may seem like a minor thing, it's really quite significant. With this, it means that every hospital in the state must be that much more inclusive in their non-discrimination policy.

There were other resolutions that we fought for. In retrospect, words can't quite convey the importance of what we were able to accomplish. To be able to, as a med student, change the state medical society's policy and stance on things is pretty impressive.

Change is possible. We are leaving our mark.