Saturday, July 26, 2008

Uncomfortable Parent Questions

Today I went on a walk with my mom alone. When I go on a walk with her alone she sometimes asks me uncomfortable questions. Things that I tend to go, "Umm," "Uh huh," "Yeah," etc, about.

My mom asked me how RZ-F was doing. Okay, seriously, my mom only met her twice in person. Other than that, she knows her as a set of academic stats and as a Chinese girl my age. Clearly, the logical leap is evident: RZ-F should be my girlfriend! So my mom keeps asking me, "Does RZ-F have a boyfriend? Do you have a girlfriend? Are any girls interested in you? You should be RZ-F's boyfriend, maybe you guys'll get married! Do you still talk to her? Does she still talk to you?" How does one answer these questions? Even if I were 100% straight I'd feel incredibly awkward in this situation. It's so annoying and frustrating a situation to be in. Also, it is like a slap in the face because it does remind me that I had/have feelings for RZ-F and I blew my chances. It's like scratching a scab to resurface a wound that has almost - but not quite - healed.

Then my mom goes on the marriage tangent. About how I should marry a Chinese girl, if at all possible. How I should get married soon after I finish med school. How I should have 2 kids before I'm like 35. Oh, and how it'd be great if they lived with me and my wife after we got married, so they could take care of my kids and cook and such. Honestly, no thanks. At least not until we're settled and living parents-free for 5 years at least. I don't need them to nag me for my entire life. Again I just go, "Uh huh," "Yeah," "Sure," and "Okay." This is NOT a conversation I really want to be having with my parents right now, if ever.

Okay, granted I do want to get married. I do want to have 2 kids by the time I'm 35. But I don't need my parents (my mom) chiming in about these things every other time I'm alone with them (her). I have too many things to do and think about right now. Every time they say things like this, it takes me away from the center of my person, it almost makes me doubt who (and what) I am. I don't need that right now. I'm confused enough as is about myself, and it's damn hard work to keep together the pieces of me I know are immutable.

And here's the last straw, the one point that makes me really not want to be at home right now. Every night, without fail, if my brothers or I stay up past 12:30am, our parents yell at us to sleep until we turn off all the lights and go to our rooms. Seriously, I'm 22. I think I can set my own bed-time. I don't even go out (as if there's anywhere to go in this town, grrr). It's not even worth getting into an argument about this with my parents. I don't like to get into arguments. I'll sit there taking it quietly, waiting for it to pass patiently.

Sigh. These are the kind of things that remind my why I would feel terribly uncomfortable/guilty if I came out to them.

Some new blogs I've come across!

Life of a gay/bi boy
The real ugly duckling

Added them to my blog roll. Worth a read. Others I still need to get through and get up-to-speed. I'll get through them . . . eventually.


dpstam said...

ew. asian parents can be so... involved.

my mom used to do that to me. until i told her i'm gay. since then, she continues to joke about when i'm marrying my bf (too early to tell, and honestly, probably not likely).

same situation with the curfew thing.

Zee said...

Don't worry, all parents are like this. It is just how they work. They want to know when you will get married and such. They want to see you happy and to encourage you but they just never understand how to say it.

Shane said...

I can't say I can show empathy, because my parents aren't like this.
Pro - Shows that they care; many people I know would die for caring parents.
Con - Over-involved.
You just gotta endure a little longer, YOU CAN DO IT :)~

Jen said...

She is just trying to be involved with your life. She is probably facing the realization that you will be moving on soon and just wants to hold onto you a little longer. No matter how much you say you won't, you'll do it to your own kids, I promise. She loves you and that's nice.

Hypnos said...

OMG, I'm in the same situation and I wonder does every bi-curious person walks through this period of uncomfortable questions (about girls and such), cause my answers are same and sometimes I tell my mom to go away (well, discreet :P)...

Don't worry about them too much, or tell them everything (I mean about bed time and other things that you should be independence from them at your age).

They are (or just your mom) probably trying to make you be more with them cause you're older now and you will go your own way soon, way that doesn't include your parents and they are sorry about that. They are aware of that, but they still try to make some moves making you to stay with them... That's a every parent tragedy, but life sucks :) what can I say...

Hypnos said...

In all that big comment I forgot to say thanks for the link and comment for my blog, I really appreciated that a lot :)

Anonymous said...

i agree with Jen, it's your mom's way of showing she cares. She doesn't know it hurts you that much, if she did and why it did, then I doubt she'd say those things.

at any rate, i don't think your mom would bother me that much.