Friday, June 20, 2008

Getting Better

I think I'm over my depression-like state. It usually only takes me a day or two to "get over it," but lately that's been more and more difficult to do.

I spent about 5 days in near self-exile from everyone I knew. I tried to maintain minimum contact with all my friends - not calling them, not stopping by their apartment, avoiding them if I were across the street or something, etc. The only time I really interacted with my friends was when I had daily trio rehearsals with SR-F, EA-F, and AW-M. I just needed to be alone, and where better than the library? Sad, I know, considering that I've graduated and all. But I must say, the library has fast wireless internet that I've sworn to leech off of as much as possible before I'm cut off from it.

Being alone, while doing nothing but read news and blogs on the internet and a degree of WoW playing almost comparable (almost) to when I used to actually play regularly over 2 years ago, helped. I'm not sure how it helped. I guess it desensitizes you, numbs your mind and lets everything just wash over you, through you, and drain out of you. It's probably not the best nor healthiest way to rid oneself of depression, but it works in the short run. At least long enough to find a better solution.

Anyway, I guess JW-M missed me. He called me while I was out for a run (which after what I ate for dinner tonight, completely negated that and then some) and left a voicemail. It basically said how he wants to work out or hang out or something before I leave, that he hasn't seen or heard from me in the last several days, and that he missed me. He actually said he missed me! Sometimes I wonder if people would, so it was nice to know he does.

I hung out with him a bit tonight. It was fun. There was so much I wanted to tell him and just get all out in the open, but I was among several other friends the whole night, two of which I'm a little uncomfortable being totally honest around. Tomorrow I hope. Oh, my dad called me like 7 times. I returned his call after ignoring it for a while. He was upset, and then I got upset, and it was quite awkward being upset like that in a car with 4 other people. That phone call almost undid everything and made me depressed again. I retired to my apartment instead of going back to JW-M's apartment to hang out. Being alone, for some reason, helps me. That's not a particularly comforting thought . . .

Okay there are so many things (all of them either positive or dorky, lol) I had wanted to blog about in the last 2 days or so. But I'm pretty tired right now so I'll do that later.

But! Before I go to sleep, I managed to read through the following 3 blogs and have added them to my blog roll.

queer asian
Some things about me
Where I Stand

They're all pretty new but good! So go on over and say "Hi!" By the way, I love it when people leave comments but I usually feel too awkward leaving them on others' blogs. I always feel like I should more but for some reason I get a little self-conscious? What's up with that?


dpstam said...

thanks for adding me to your blog list! i just added you :)

hope everything gets better soon

Pancakes said...

I now know what you mean by leaving a comment on another blog and feeling awkward.

I just came across yours and have enjoyed reading it.

So, check out my blog and for sure my more developed blog; if you like what you see you can watch my new one grow. :)