On Marriage and Wedding

Wow, I just realized it's been a week since I last blogged. There were some important things I've wanted to say (this post being one of them) but I've just been feeling unmotivated lately. This is unnerving. Anyway, the purpose of this post has nothing to do with gay marriage - I'll make that clear here and now.

Last Friday I attended AW-M's wedding. AW-M was my old roommate for the last 2 years of my undergrad (oh how I miss undergrad . . . already). He's a music major with a German minor and will be going to grad school in another state. He had been dating his fiancee since sophomore or junior year of high school, and they both went to undergrad together.

The wedding was at this nice little chapel. I realized very quickly that I've never been to a Catholic wedding. It was a bit too somber for my liking - it didn't "feel" festive to me. There was a lot of prayers that were chanted (that apparently everyone was supposed to say) and they did that cross thing too fast for me to follow. I feel like I should've been warned, or something. Regardless, AW-M and his bride (conveniently, now AW-F or AZW-F) were practically glowing, and the best man (NK-M, who's incidentally gay) was beaming. I could tell it was very meaningful to all of them.

The reception hall was under the chapel. It was actually really nice! The reception hall was this large atrium place with a glass ceiling, so it had the feel of an indoor courtyard. The food was good, the alcohol (what little I had, because I had to drive myself home) was good, and decor was beautiful. I believe the bride had a heavy hand in this, as she's a planner and intends on being a wedding planner.

There was only one stitch: I knew NO ONE other than the groom, the bride (who I don't actually know well), the best man, and the groom's parents. Fortunately I was seated next to a girl, a good friend of the bride, who also knew as few people as I did. (I take it back - I knew and talked to one other person there, we were "almost roommates" until he decided to drop out of university.) Anyway, the girl and I bonded a little over this fact. I'm generally really shy in situations where people know each other but I don't know anyone, but it was good getting to know the people at our table at least.

For their first dance, the groom and bride danced "Jai Ho" from the movie Slumdog Millionaire. This YouTube clip is pretty close to what they did, haha.


It's hard to put into words my emotions as I left the wedding early - it didn't end until 1am and I left around 11pm. Of course I was extremely happy for AW-M, I think he'll have a long and happy life with his new wife. But it left me a bit down for myself. Why?

First of all, it's possible that I may never marry (or be - legally - allowed to). Second of all, I know AW-M has found "the one" for him, it's obvious. Where's "the one" for me? While I know there are many "ones" for any given person, I still envy what they have together. Lastly, and perhaps most crushing to me, is that I don't have anyone in my life I could consider being my best man. Both AW-M and his bride knew the best man since 5th grade, and had been such close friends since. There are perhaps 2 guys in my life who I could possibly consider being my best man, but I don't talk to either of them that much these days due to distance.

So I left feeling alone and distant from people. Have I built so many walls inside that no one has yet to reach the core? Even though I've let some of my friends get close to me, it feels like there's still a handful of barriers left, as if there are things that still go veiled and unsaid. It unsettles me that I haven't fully let my guard down to anyone. Anyway, I'm getting off-topic.

I wish AW-M and AW-F a long and happy life. I hope one day I can taste that kind of loving commitment. Not looking so great at the moment, but I'll try to keep my head high. :)

Simply Orgasmic

To those who rose up to my challenge question, I thanks you so much!! ^_^ To those who intended on answering but haven't yet, just send me an email because I'm going to turn off comment moderation now. I'll add any late responses to my challenge question as an edit to this post. So without further adieu, here's how orgasm feels to responders (the following responses may have been edited by me slightly for grammar and/or paragraph structure):
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Guy 1 - Uncut

When I'm close it feels like all the blood and energy is rushing towards my midsection. I can feel my body tightening inwards from my limbs and suddenly everything around me starts becoming a blur. I keep going after that for a few seconds until I feel the energy and rush build up at the end base of my penis which is when I know I'm at the point of no return. For me, it's similar to the sensation of having to use the bathroom at that very moment but instead of feeling like you must release it, I feel like I want to, like my body is begging me to.

When I go I don't move for the few seconds it takes to cum. I can feel the tip swell and my foreskin restricting it, if I haven't pulled it back, and between every shot my head calms for a bit then swells back up hitting the skin with every shot. If I do pull it back, I feel my head grow when I'm about to shoot but instead of feeling around the entire head, I feel it more at the tip. I can feel the cum more.

After I'm done, every muscle in my body is completely relaxed and slightly tingly. It seems to start from my shoulders and go down until I can't move and exhausted. I'm in a high at that point, I just want to sleep. I'm really sensitive at the point and if I start again I want to moan and scream right away, but only if I play with the bottom edge of the head or start jacking really really fast. Oh and after I'm done I'm usually starving.

That was hard to write . . . it sounds like soft-core porn, lol.
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Guy 2 - Cut

I start to tense up in my legs and my groin area gets very tingly, especially my penis. If it is a good orgasm then I can get the tingling to go through my body.

If I'm really focused on orgasming and the feeling, I can usually feel the cum welling up in the head of my penis.
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Guy 3 - Uncut

It's a subtle feeling leading up to orgasm, like my foreskin, frenulum, and head are gradually getting more sensitive. I know an orgasm is coming when the sensitivity in my foreskin and head suddenly seem to spike. If it's a really good orgasm on the way, waves of chills radiate out from my penis across my body - giving me goosebumps. It's kind of like the feeling you get after listening to a really good song or seeing a really good movie scene. This happens several seconds before I cum; if I were to stop stroking at this point, orgasm usually doesn't happen to completion and I don't cum (though sometimes cum will dribble out).

Past this point is the "point of no return." My head usually swells up and feels even more sensitive at this point. I can usually feel my cum well up at the base of my penis, prepping for release. I can also usually feel the cum move up and out of my penis as it pulses and throbs.

During orgasm it feels like pleasant pulsing contractions in my groin and penis. I can feel my penis get a bit harder with each spurt. Sometimes it feels like more waves of chills when my foreskin hits the rim of the head while I'm cumming. The pulsing and throbbing continue for a minute or so after I'm done cumming, and I tend to get kind of warm in the post-orgasm afterglow.

My head often gets pretty sensitive post-orgasm though not always. If it's uncomfortable I just roll the foreskin over to protect it and I'm on my way. I also feel really relaxed afterwards and it helps me sleep. :)
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Guy 4 - Cut

The shaft and head and pretty sensitive leading up to orgasm. There isn't much sensation in my balls, but there is a general tightening in my groin muscles and I think in my abs, too, as if I edge too long I tend to get nauseous. I know I'm getting near orgasm when my balls tighten some and the head becomes much more sensitive. It's like there's a priming in my balls; like at any second I might cum. I think at this stage the sensations are mostly psychological, however, so it's difficult to describe in full what's happening.

There is a distinct welling up in my balls as the cum gets ready to come out. At this point I can't turn back. The entire penis is sensitive to touch, probably rubbing it anywhere would trigger orgasm. Sometimes the head is too sensitive to rub at this point, so I will rub underneath the head and around the rim to cum. If I've edged too long sometimes it feels like I have to barf, lol. Normally though there is just a general tightening of muscles all over the body. My penis will expand and become really hard. I can almost always feel my um welling up, prepping to shoot, and moving out of me. The contractions are quite distinct.

During orgasm there is a general contraction of muscles all over my body, but esp in the groin area, of course. My penis remains fairly rigid as I cum, and at this point the head is pretty sensitive. If I rub the head a lot at this point I'll usually shoot pretty far. There's a rhythmic tightening and loosening in the balls, and these sensations get translated to the penis as a "throbbing." My skin becomes very sensitive to touch both during orgasm and afterwards.

Post-orgasm, the head isn't so sensitive as is the underside/frenulum of the head. That becomes too sensitive to touch. If it is touched, it causes discomfort and squirming.
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Guy 5 - Not stated

Leading up to orgasm, tingle sensation spreads from the head of my penis down and in anticipation can feel it radiate from my balls up my spine

The "point of no return" is sort of like riding a wave. Ever been at the beach and see a wave coming? Sometimes you hit it just right and you can go with the wave and get carried away and other times you don't hit it right - right before the point of no return is this great feeling that you want to prolong but know you can't and just explode.

For the rest of this I will have to jack-off and think about it carefully.
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Guy 6 - Uncut

First off the build up to orgasm is the most intense. It's a focus thing, once I'm dead set on cumming I get tunnel vision, my only goal is climax. I can feel it in the head the most, the sensitivity almost gets overwhelming just before cumming. I can honestly feel the semen collecting and moving. Once orgasm hits, I can feel my prostate flexing.

Just before climax my skin gets the chills, my mouth gets cold, and I get goosebumps. During climax I can't control some of my muscles, for instance my back tends to arch, and my feet dance and clench. After orgasm, the sensitivity in my bell-end is out of control, touching it will make me yelp in terrifying ecstasy.
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Unfortunately no women responded. That's a shame. :-/

Again, if anyone wants to send me his/her orgasm experience, do so in an email now and I'll add it to this post! I hope you've all enjoyed reading the above. :P

Rebound Chat

This morning when I signed on AIM, my friend RZ-F messaged me after downing 8 shots of 42% vodka all the way from China. I don't care what she says - she's an Asian woman, there's no way she could down that much alcohol and not feel it even if she has fully functional alcohol dehydrogenase in her liver.

Anyway, when she drinks she has this tendency to call/IM me for what I now like to call "rebound chat." For the past year or so she's been "involved" with this guy in China. She's constantly calling and IMing him. While he likes her, he doesn't feel the same about her as she does about him. And she's frustrated that their relationship won't progress, or that she can't get him to say anything about it. So, when she gets inebriated (even though she adamantly claims she can't get drunk), she calls/IMs me to complain.

She usually tells me how she hates guys, how guys suck, how she should be single, how she wishes guys were more like me (though I claim being me hasn't helped me at all in this respect), how I'm lucky to not be in a relationship, blah blah blah. Really there's not much I can do but smile and nod, metaphorically speaking. I mean, what am I supposed to do?

Today was a little different. She asked me why we didn't date way back in junior year of undergrad when we had the chance. Fuck. I hate that question, it always unsettles me emotionally. At that time I was seriously confronted myself on my sexuality and it scared me, and it still scares me. I was scared so I ran away from a potential relationship, and I'm constantly reminded of it when she speaks to me about this guy who she's not even really in a relationship with.

She asked me if I liked her. I said yes. She asked me if I still liked her. I got a little teary (which I did not communicate to her). What am I supposed to say? If I say yes there's nothing that can be done because we will soon live 3 states away from each other, and neither of us have any desire to pursue a long-distance relationship. And if I say no she'll be disappointed and I'm not sure that's entirely true. So she left me in somewhat of a mess that she'll never see. It doesn't help that my mom keeps asking me if RZ-F is my girlfriend and when I say no, she then asks if she has a boyfriend (to which I answer "I don't know").

Well, we did make that one pact: if we're both single when we hit 30 we'll marry each other.

---TANGENT---
Alright everyone, it's down to the last day. If you're going to answer (or modify your answer to) my challenge question, today (Wednesday) is the last day. Though, depending on where you live in the world, if you were to answer the question early enough on Thursday before I create the post, your response would still be valid.

So readers, if you'll be so bold as to answer my challenge question, please please please do so in a comment or email ASAP! Thanks!!
---END TANGENT---

The Lizard-Spock Expansion

In my efforts to combat boredom I apparently watched the entire Season 1 of The Big Bang Theory. It's a hilarious show principally about a physicist (nerd) pursuing this hot girl across the hall. His 3 friends are also main characters. Episode 8 of Season 2 is called "The Lizard-Spock Expansion." It's basically an expansion of rock-paper-scissors to rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock. The rules are as follows:

Scissor cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock disintegrates rock, and rock crushes scissors.

Apparently these are valid rules as an expansion of rock-paper-scissors. A helpful diagram is shown below:
Anyway, yeah, all that to keep my mind distracted. I've been feeling off lately. Unmotivated, lazy, depressed, lonely, etc. It took a bit of effort to prevent myself from eating ice cream earlier today. I'm not going to vent about it here - not yet, not now.

Last night I chatted a little online with my best friend from uni, JW-M. I'm not exactly sure if he considers me the same way I consider his friendship, but truthfully that matters little to me. He suggested that I should visit him on the other side of the state (about 3.5 hours' drive away). Sadly I don't have a car as both my parents need to work and my brother's using my car to get to work. So I might take a train out there and hang out with him for a couple days. On the weekdays it's about $26 each way.

I don't know, the more I think about it the more I want to go - the more I need to go. To get away, be somewhere new, etc. My trip to China was denied and the more I think about that it hurts. I'm not really in a position to be complaining, I guess. But still. :-/

---TANGENT---
I've gotten a couple responses to my challenge question. To those who've answered, thank you so much!!

To anyone wishing to answer or wishing to add more details to their current response, you have until Wednesday of this week (July 15th) to answer in a comment or email. Again, your responses will be posted anonymously so no one else would know who you are (except me >.>). Don't forget to say if you're cut or uncut - unless you're uncomfortable declaring so. While I understand everyone experiences orgasm (and the process of) somewhat differently, it'd still be interesting to know.

Alright, so if you haven't answered, please please please send me your answer! Again, the post is here.
---END TANGENT---

How Long Has It Been?

How long has it been? Weeks . . . months since we last touched? I had almost forgotten how you felt - the way your smooth curves hug against my thighs. We were so intimate once with me hugging you from behind, so why the awkwardness now? Have you forgotten my touch as well?

Your singing is a bit off key and out of tune. Are you holding back? Your voice is cracking. It is my fault and I apologize. My hands, my fingers - they are not as nimble as they once were; I am out of practice. I swear I will make amends, I will learn again how to caress up and down your long slender neck with my fingers, just the way you want me to. I want to hear you sing again until I feel your deep voice resonating in my bones.

You've been cold towards me of late. I'm sorry I haven't made time for you. We're out of sync, our embrace now merely technical if not mechanical. I know I'll have to work for your affection, but it's worth it - to feel your smooth body, to caress your neck, to hear your voice . . .
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Ten points to whoever guesses correctly who (or what) I'm talking about above, lol.

Anyway, I want to give a shout out to two people whose blogs I've caught up on. The first is not new to many (most?) of you. The second is a new blogger, so welcome him to the blogosphere!

Tyler at Thoughts of a Gay Boy in Highschool
Shane at I just want to be me

Lastly, I just want to remind you all to PLEASE answer my challenge question in my last post. You can send me your response as a comment (I've turned on comment moderation) or as an email. I will publish your responses anonymously! Anyway, please please please answer by next Wednesday (July 15th). The post can be found here. Thanks!!

P.S. The comments that are published in the last post were only allowed to be published because they didn't answer my challenge question.

My Challenge To You

About a week or so ago I was chatting online with someone. Somehow it got on to the topic of how an orgasm feels to a cut and an uncut guy. It's actually a surprisingly difficult question to answer in detail. So I pose the challenge to all you readers:

In as much detail as possible, how does an orgasm feel like to you? Please include what it feels like immediately prior, during, and after orgasm.

Things to consider when answering:

- How does it feel in your penis and elsewhere on your body leading up to orgasm?
- How do you know when you're nearing orgasm? What does it feel like?
- How do you know when you've reached that "point of no return?" What does it feel like?
- How does it feel just prior to orgasm?
- What does it feel like during orgasm? How does it feel in your penis? Your balls? Elsewhere?
- What does it feel like post-orgasm? Is your glans (penis head) super sensitive? How so?
- Can you feel your cum welling up, prepping to shoot, and moving out of you?
- Are you cut or uncut (this is really just for anecdotal curiosity purposes)?
- If you're uncut, do you experience two "kinds" of orgasms (when you use your foreskin and when you don't - that is, pull it back and wank as if you were cut)?

The more excruciatingly detailed your answer the better. Also state if you're cut or uncut. So please please please answer this question. Also, if you're a woman reading this blog, I'm also quite curious to know how an orgasm feels like to you - so please please please answer as well.

I've turned on comment moderation for the purpose of this post. A week from now (on July 15th) I will post all responses anonymously along with my own description mixed in as well. Alright, you all have a week to wank and record your experiences. Again, PLEASE comment (or email me) with your description - I don't care how long (the longer/more detailed the better). Thanks everyone!!

Where I Blog From

So, Jeremy of Falling Through The Void tagged me in this game started by Tyler of Thoughts of a Gay Boy in Highschool. Unbeknownst to Jeremy I had already posted where I blogged from before in this post, however locale has changed and so here's where I currently blog from (I apologize for the drabness of the color, apparently a dark cloud passed while I was taking these pics - and I'm too lazy to do touch-ups with Photoshop).

You'll notice that this isn't my bedroom (because my bedroom no longer has a desk and chair in it). It is in fact the dining room that we rarely eat in because we usually eat in a nook next to the kitchen on the other side. If you click on this photo to enlarge it, from left to right: The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, my med school financial aid papers ($20,500 in loans sitting there, still short about $21,000 though - and that's just for tuition), my wallet and cellphone on top of that, gum wrappers (might make origami cranes out of them), my ear buds connected to my laptop, mouse, Seagate 500 Gb external hard drive (^_^), desk lamp, and my old genetics textbook behind my laptop (that my brother used as a reference for mitosis/meiosis when studying for the MCAT).

Another angle. In this shot you'll see a Chinese silk painting, a tub of Starburst candies my brother "won" at the high school graduation party, a wooden Chinese-ish stand with a bonsai on it. My mom wants to throw out the bonsai. I don't.

The Chinese silk painting. It says (you read it right to left): 年年有馀 (nian2 nian2 you3 yu2). It literally translates to "May there be surplus year after year." What it means is that, at the end of the year, you want something left over to start the next year with. Note the 9 goldfish in the painting for good luck (or prosperity, I don't remember which it is).

A close-up of the tub of Starburst candies, the stand, and the bonsai.

And now I tag the following people (who are under no obligation to comply, but their compliance would be greatly appreciated if they posted pics of where they blog):

1. J: Southern Inebriation
2. S: Enjoying the Journey
3. Doug: Right Time and Place
4. Mike: Random Thoughts In My Life
5. Charlie: Charlie's Blog
6. Hellogenation: Hellogenation
7. Anonymous Blogger: "Picture Perfect"

Edit: I also ninja tag the following two people:

8. E: I Gotta Story To Tell
9. Corey: Amazing Corey

---TANGENT---
As the summer progresses, I slowly whittle away at my list of blogs to read. I'd like to give a shout out to Jonathan at Gentleman's Romance, who is no stranger to many of you. And I'd also like to welcome new blogger Corey at Amazing Corey. So if you haven't visited their blogs yet, go over and say hi!
---END TANGENT---